Lost in our imagination (The Vamps FanFiction)

104 - I'm Sorry

November 2014

Livi's P.O.V

I finished my very quick look round the academy that Katie and I thought would be a good idea to do before I go back, so I thought I would head in to town and get something to eat as Katie was out today, at work I presume. I'm still not entirely sure on my way around this place. I hate not knowing everything that happened to me before the accident with Katie. There's a part of me that wants to feel bad for all the people I keep turning away, but is it bad that I don't... All those boys that Katie knows who want to talk to me, I just can't do it. I met brad, at first reluctantly but then afterwards I was glad I did, however just the thought of meeting the others terrifies me. Only just getting over the fact that Alfie and I broke up over a year ago because he cheated on me was pretty hard... And now all these new boys are wanting to come in to my life?! I just can't do it. If I am starting fresh, I am literally starting right from the ground. A new life. A new me.

"Bye Livi" one of the girls smiled as I walked past her. I smiled back not entirely sure who she was but wanted to be polite. I hated not knowing who all these people were, but they knew everything about me... I walked out the front of the school and realised I didn't know many places near here so I thought I would just wonder around until I found somewhere to get a drink and something to eat. I walked for a really long time before starting to give up. I was pretty lost by now! I walked in to the next shop I passed to find out where I was.

"Hello, how can I help?" A women smiled as I walked in.

"Hi, I'm really sorry but I'm kind of lost..."

"Oh, first time in London?" She smiled and I shook my head.

"I actually live here" I mumbled and she looked up.

"Oh okay" she nodded before opening something on her laptop. She showed me a map of where we were and the area we were in. I told her the place where mine and Katie's apartment was and she showed me how far I was and how to get there. I thanked her for her help and set off on my way. I felt bad for not buying anything but I didn't have much money on me and still hadn't eaten... I walked for about 10 minutes before starting to recognise some of the places I walked past, but still wasn't 100% sure...

"Oh my.. I'm really sorry" someone said walking in to the side of me causing me to drop my folders.

"Um don't worry it's fine" I said as they picked up my folders. After I spoke their head snapped up and they just stopped.

"Livi.." He whispered looking up at me.

"Um yeah.." I said looking very confused. He didn't say anything else, just looked up at me.

"Sorry, how do you know my name?" I asked and they quickly got up handing me my folders.

"Um we're friends, well we were more than that but..." He started but I stopped him.

"I remember you" I said thinking to where I'd seen his face before.

"You do?" He asked looking full of hope.

"Yeah, you were at the hospital when I woke up" I said and he sighed.

"Is that all you remember about me?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry but I was just looking for somewhere to get a drink" I said trying to leave. Trying to remember things about my past hasn't worked out so well as others had hoped it had so I just want to move on. I don't want to hurt this boy, I just can help it...

"Oh ok, I was wondering if you might want to talk?"

"I'm sorry, I don't think it's a good idea, for either of us..."

"Please Livi, let me just buy you a drink, you can leave whenever" he asked and I sighed. I felt so bad about not knowing him, I guess I owe him one drink. Like he said, I can leave whenever. We walked along to the cafe in silence, just me following him. I could tell he wanted to talk to me but was stopping himself. Once we got there we both ordered a coffee and he kindly paid for them.

"So you're like in a band or something.." I said as we sat down with our coffee.

"Yeah, kind of" He said quickly taking a sip of his coffee.

"Look, thanks for the coffee but I really shouldn't be.."

"Livi, before you go, I just, I can't except the fact that you don't know who I am..."

"I'm sorry but I don't remember ever meeting you.."

"Come on Livi, 7 months, we were together for 7 months, I loved you, I love you, more than I ever have with anyone and I know you feel it in there somewhere, nothing can erase what we had together Livi, we're too strong to let this stop us, you need to believe me."

"Look I'm sorry, I just can't see myself dating someone in a band... Surely if I loved you that much, I would have the tiniest idea of who you are."

"That's because you're not the same person you were before the accident, you still have to rediscover who that was, I want to help you."

"Sorry.."

"Please Livi, look at me, right in the eye and tell me you have no clue what so ever who I am, that you don't know a single thing we've been though together, not one single thing, even just seeing my face, anywhere? We met in America, before you even moved here!"

"I'm sorry, I've never seen you before, if Katie hadn't told me why you were at the hospital I would have no idea who you are, I wish I could remember what happened over the past year but I don't, I think I need to move on, start a fresh. For me, that means leaving anything in that year behind me, of course I'm starting my life here in London, but I don't know you, and I really can't be around you, not with me constantly feeling bad that I don't know you like you think you know me.."

"Your favourite colour is orange, your favourite animal is a koala which you got to hold in the past year, your favourite city was Paris until we went there and you decided it was too busy and your parents died when you were 12 and you felt like you thought it was your fault until I convinced you out of it!"

"I told you about that..."

"We told each other everything Livi!"

"Look, I need to go and so do you, I still have no idea who you are and I think it's best to keep it that way. You should go out there and find a girl who you will love and who will love you the way you think you love me. I'm sorry I can't be that girl for you, but we both need to move on" I said before getting up and leaving.

"But I do love you" was the last thing I heard him mumbled before I walked out. This was not what I needed right now....