Broken - Isadora Quagmire

Chapter Ten - Pep Rally

"We think we saw Count Olaf!" Duncan and I repeatedly tried to tell the Baudelaires but they couldn't hear us over the sound of students chanting.

"Welcome to the mandatory pep rally" exclaimed Vice Principal Nero "I don't know which I like more, the word "pep" or "rally. Maybe we should ask our mascot! What do you say?" the crowd cheered.

"What's the mascot?"-

"A dead horse!"

"It sounded like you said-

"A dead horse. But that's not important"

The Baudelaires got distracted as Carmelita kicked the dead horse mascot over.

"You have to listen. My brother and I saw"

Mrs. Bass shushed me.

"I know things seemed less peppy since our athletes, cheerleaders and beloved gym teacher mysteriously vanished on the way home from that away game. But Prufrock Preparatory School has a motto. It's 'memento mori'. It's an ancient Greek saying"

"Latin" mumbled Klaus and Violet

"Which means, 'Remember, you will die'. And soon, indeed, the sun will set, the fiery orb of life, leaving me alone! Alone! Alone! Until, of course, you meet someone who truly understands and supports you with friendship, camaraderie and cash bribes.Our gym teacher was irreplaceable, but I have found someone I know who can fill her shoes. And now, please welcome to the stage, a man with no resume, no letters of recommendation, no credit history, but with such a marvellous ear for music that I've hired him as the newest member of our faculty!"

Duncan wrote a note to the Baudelaires in his commonplace book but Mr. Remora closed it before anyone else could read it.

"Your new gym teacher, Coach Genghis!"

"Count Olaf" the Baudelaires said in unison.

The crowd of students and faculty went crazy, for some reason unknown to me, and we could barley hear what Count Olaf was saying until Vice Principal Nero told everyone to settle down.

"Settle down? Do you hear what Vice Principal Shapiro just said?"

"Nero"

"'Settle down' so often I hear those words come out of peoples ears and into my mouth. 'Settle' a word which here means 'settling for less' and 'down' my personal least favourite direction. Let me tell you a story. Some years ago, a woman came to me. She needed my help 'Coach Genghis' she said to me. 'I'm a failure, I have no job. My love life is in the pits. I can't seem to lose these last 20 pounds'. I bet that describes just about every one of you, am I right?"

"They're schoolchildren"

"Exactly. And what did I say to her? Do you think I told her to settle down? Answer me, pippity-squeaks! Do you think I told her to settle down"

"Probably not!" cheered Carmelita and two other cheerleaders who I had just realised were old women.

"Probably not!" the crowd cheered.

"Probably not, indeed. I told her to stand up. I told her to actualise and incentivize. I told her to keep her eyes in the clouds and her feet on the stars. And do you know what happened?" he had walked up to where we were sitting and was staring at us all "She died in a mysterious fire" he started walking back towards the stage. "Settling down is what losers do. Settling down is what started World War I. Settling down is what happens when you bite your lip, and your lip gets swollen, so you bite your lip again, and then you keep biting your lip over and over. I don't want that. Do you want that, Prufrock Prep?"