UNDER EDITING-Something New || Patrick Cripps

thirty two

We shuffle inside, leaving behind the pictures that haunt me. That have broken me.

My head hangs low, heavy with thoughts of the one who I thought I meant a lot to.

Leah stayed for a little longer after the incident to make sure I was okay. She knows that it will take ages for me to recover, so before she went home she promised, again, that she'll be here for me through it all.

Now I'm currently sitting emotionlessly on the couch staring at the floor blankly. Caleb and Jack pierce the back of my head with their eyes worriedly. They both know I'm unpredictable when my emotions flare up. It's like I'm on a tight leash now too.

I'm exhausted. I need sleep desperately, but as much as I feel the need for sleep, I don't actually want to close my eyes. I'm fearful of the images I'll see. I decide I at least need to lie down.

"I'm going to upstairs," I mumble weakly. Quickly, I retreat to my room, not wanting to be watched like a bird of prey and it's food.

I reach my room and just stand there. My walls seem dull now, colourless. The pictures scattered along them have no meaning anymore. I feel cold in here. It's haunting.

My body drifts over to the pictures. I stare at them unemotionally, my eyes drifting over the photos of him and I. That's the trigger.

I've been slapped in the face with the reality. I snap back into the world of what's true and what's fake. I grasp it tightly before my emotions take over.

I tear the photos off the wall, throwing them into the bin angrily. Next I dive for the stuff on my desk, swiping across which causes them to clatter onto the floor. I take my desk chair and chuck it down too.

Tears stream down my cheeks and I pull back at my hair roughly. I didn't think I had any tears left, but I was wrong.

My eyes spot a glass vase sitting on my bedside table. I charge over and snatch it up in my shaky hands. My pure rage and regret make me piff the vase at the opposite wall. On impact it shatters as does my heart. The shards, like my body, fall to the ground.

I release a gargled cry like I'm being drowned by my own tears, collapsing. I grip my matted locks in my palms, tugging emotionally at them. I just sob and sob, covering my eyes in an attempt to hide from the pain.

Gentle arms enclose around me as I continue to release all my grief. I don't struggle against them as they hold me close, I retreat into them like a warm blanket.

"Shhhhh," My brother soothes softly. He delicately brushes the hair that's stuck to my face away. He rubs my back tenderly, not wanting me to be set off again.

I whimper quietly in my brother's presence. I hold him tightly, begging to never be left. I couldn't cope alone again. It was proved all too hard the first time.

Footsteps come closer to my brother and I. Caleb's face appears in front of mine, a sad smile etched in his expression.

"Oh Auds." His voice is weak as if he himself is trying not to cry. Seeing me like this is obviously is really hurtful for Caleb. Both he and Jack didn't want it to come down to this; they didn't believe he would do such a thing.

Caleb leans over, kissing the top on my head. I bow into it, treasuring the affection that I very much needed.

"You'll be okay. We're here for you. Just know Audrey that you don't need to be alone this time, okay?" I watch him intently. I take in all his features and truth and honesty is the only thing I find.

I nod. I can't be alone this time. Not ever. I don't know why I thought moving to Sydney was a good idea. My mourning took longer than it would if I had stayed here in Melbourne with Jack. I'm not going anywhere this time.