UNDER EDITING-Something New || Patrick Cripps

fifty five

Patrick and I both know what's going on now as we remain frozen. In unison we slowly tilt our heads up and see the one thing that may determine how quickly we mend as a former couple.

The mistletoe.

I'm suffocating.

I can't breathe.

There's this force that is compressing against my chest. Air is struggling to funnel down my throat and to my lungs. My mind is clouded of jumbled and unwanted thoughts.

My eyes dilate as they fall to lock with Patrick's. We can sense each other's anxiety whilst Josh continues to hold up the mistletoe. Countless pairs of eyes pierce holes into the back of my head. They won't move away either.

My heartbeat sounds in my ears, a constant and haunting rhythm which is soon replaced by loud ringing.

I'm not ready.

I love him, but I'm not ready to do this. We aren't even fully back together, if that would even happen again. Thinking of that makes me feel sick.

So many memories flood my mind, as they did during the time before Patrick told me that Sarah threatened my safety. I can feel my body being taken over by panic and I can't stop it.

Before they go off to do their drills, the group of players are in a loose circle, and from what I can see they are surrounding a tall, dirty blond giving them advice and hyping them up. I can't put a face to the person, but I don't have to.

A gap forms in between the boys, just enough for the guy and I to make eye contact. He has stunning crystal blue eyes. They are most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen. My breath gets caught in my throat, and I can tell I have the same effect on him as he does to me.

I squeeze my eyes shut.

"That worked." My chest vibrates as I laugh and he can't help but do the same.

"I love you so much Crippa," I tell him, even though he already knows.

"I love you too Auds," he says, kissing my cheek.

We relax in each other's arms whilst watching the movie, even though we've missed quite a bit of it.

His warmth causes sleep to be lured to me, and it isn't long before my eyes close over without difficulty.

Tears begin to trickle from under my eyelashes, leaving glossy streaks in their path. My head is tilted toward the ground.

Our lips collide gently, sending sparks through my body. We smile into the kiss. A slow yet passionate kiss is shared between us. A tiny laugh escapes my lips out of joy, savouring this moment.

The moment is nothing like I've ever imagined; it's more. The way Patrick's hands hold both my cheeks delicately is indescribable. How my own hands are pressed on top of his so perfectly. The warmth radiating off the two of us as we continue to kiss.

My head begins to hurt and spin, making me even more disoriented than I already am. I grab my chest, whether it would be the heartache I feel for Patrick or the actual physical pain I suffer from struggling to breathe.

Patrick watches me in worry. His lips move swiftly, but I can't hear what he's saying. His face is strained in concern as he gently grabs my wrists that are now on my face.

Everything hurts. My emotions are consuming me, the ringing is hurting me, the heartache is torturing me; it's all too much.

I stumble forward, heaving, and crashing into Patrick's arms. He takes me up in them as I begin to sob.

"I'm sorry," I cry into his chest.

"Shhh, it's okay," he coos to me softly.

Patrick rubs my back so gently that it's calming and makes me feel safe. Being in his arms all of a sudden has blocked out the noise and the pain. He whispers comforting words into my ear as my sobbing begins to subside. I don't notice that Caleb has cleared out most of the people from the area, leaving Patrick and I practically alone.

I know I was having a panic attack, and all because of those memories. It was almost exactly like the one I had when I first made eye contact with Patrick. It just took over my mind and body and caused me to break. It happened because being under such expectation caused my emotions to arise.

The pressure that people put on Patrick and I to kiss was unbearable. I could tell Patrick wanted to go through with it, and I knew that part of me wanted to as well, but we both knew that it wasn't right. That such thing, something so special, couldn't be forced upon us. It's a decision and an act that isn't determined by those around us, but Patrick and I ourselves.

My knuckles are hurting and when I pull away from Patrick's chest I realise my hands were stuffed tightly with his shirt. I slowly detach my hands and rub them with my fingers. Patrick keeps his arms around my fragile body, not daring to let me go and I'm grateful for it.

Minute by minute passes and I haven't moved and neither has Patrick. We haven't said anything to each other, but rather treasuring the calmness that is shared between us. There's distant chatter that reaches my ears.

"I don't know what got into me! I shouldn't have done that. Ugh! I'm such an idiot!" I hear the voice say.

"Mate, it's fine. You know that she'll forgive you. She won't have a grudge, and I'm sure your brother won't either," Jack reassures the person who I realise to be Josh.

"But I should've known not to do that. I know that both of them are unsure of the next step to make and I still went along and put the mistletoe up. It was a stupid and costly joke to pull," Josh sighs, guilt ridden.

I'm definitely aware that what he did was a harmless joke, so I know for a fact that I'm not upset with him. It was more so the memories that caused such a negative response, as well as all the unwanted attention that Patrick and I received. It wasn't the best move, but I'm not mad at him for doing it.

Finally, with some courage, I pull out from Patrick's cocoon of safety which causes his arms to fall free of my body. He smiles at me in such a way that makes my heart flutter. I feel a lot calmer now, and with that I turn around to the inside of the house.

Caleb and Teagan are beside one another as they stand opposite from Josh and Jack. They looked to have shut the party down because of me. I don't resist the feeling of guilt that rises from my gut to my chest.

I can feel Patrick sticking close as I approach the four. They notice me coming and Josh is quick to say something.

"Audrey, I'm so sorry I did that. I don't know what I was thinki-"

"It's all good Josh. No hard feelings," I cut him off and tell him genuinely. He bites his lip, questioning whether or not to believe me. I smile to reassure him.

I peer up at Patrick who claps his brother's shoulder in an attempt to let him know that everything is all good. I watch at Patrick lips pull up in a grin and I begin to really think about what happens next between us.

Sarah shouldn't be able to inflict damage anymore, but can the rift that she caused between Patrick and I be fixed? I wouldn't see why not honestly. Patrick and I are so close that not much could impact our future. We're both resilient and are capable of mending back together. Maybe this time round we'll be even stronger than before.

And I know for a fact that I need Patrick in my life, there's no point denying it. I can be who I'm meant to be around around him and he's the same.

But as Leah said, "Craudrey is endgame!" and I cant help but think that's true.
———
A/N

No kiss yet, but the foundation is there for one👀

Patrick and Auds are still finding their feet with all this, and knew that it wasn't right to kiss all because others wanted them to. They'll get to that point eventually!

Hope you enjoyed!

Cheers!