UNDER EDITING-Something New || Patrick Cripps

thirty three

A memory surfaces before darkness swells over.

I love you Audrey, I have since we first really started to get to know one another.

A single tear trickles down my cheek before I fall asleep.

Sleep seeps away and I wake up still exhausted as ever. It feels like unconsciousness never came, yet it actually still didn't in a certain aspect.

I was paralysed in a world of pain. Over and over the scene of him and Sarah kissing crept into my mind as I slept. I couldn't wake up. I was locked in by the dark walls of suffering with no escape.

I wipe away the sweat on my forehead and the sleep in the corner of my eyes. My face feels sticky and tired. When I swallow it's like glass shards have splintered into my throat, digging in deep. It causes tears to occur in my stinging eyes.

I feel horrible. I'm dehydrated. I'm hungry. I'm broken. I don't know what to do and how to cope. Why did he have to do this to me?

I was so happy, but now I'm helpless. I felt so complete with him and now it's been torn away from me. I don't understand why he would do such a thing if he loved me. I guess it was all an act.

Lifting myself off the bed nearly results in stepping on the sharp fragments of vase scattered around the carpet. My room looks like a bomb has exploded.

Along with the smashed vase there's pieces of paper and photos that have been torn. Not even tape could fix how distorted they look. My desk chair has been hurled across room and lays practically in front of my closed door.

I remember my brother being with me as I fell asleep. Obviously he left once he thought I was okay and resting, even though my mind wasn't.

I sigh sadly, my body aching. I know that I have to go on with life and not think about my regrets and heartbreak. It's just hard because there are constant reminders of him. Like the text messages I've received overnight that I haven't bothered checking.

Everything is raw. The heartbreak is fresh and excruciating, but I have to get through it as much as it hurts.

I step around my chair and head down the stairs, not without almost stumbling down them though. It's quiet, but I know the idiots are down here. The TV is low but still audible.

I drag myself into the kitchen emotionlessly, a blank expression on my strained face. Jack and Caleb sit on the couch, listening to the news intently. I don't interrupt, just continue to get myself a glass of water, feeling parched and lightheaded.

The glass nearly slips through my fingers, but I grip it tightly afterwards although my hands still shake. The sound of the tap gains the attention of my brother and Caleb. They both turn and smile at me warily. I return it as best I can, but it comes out more like a grimace.

I scull the glass of water before walking towards the couch and sitting next to Caleb. I remain silent, not looking at them but at the TV. Out of the corner of my eye I can see them both watching me.

"Are you two going to keep staring at me?" I groan. They don't anticipate when I speak up, so they jolt in surprise and quickly look the other way.

My phone vibrates repetitively in my pocket. I know exactly who it is, and the thought of who infuriates me but also causes my heart to break.

"Ugh! Please go away!" I cry, propelling my phone at the other side of the sofa. I nail my fingers into the couch trying to gather composure and calm down.

"Audre-" Caleb begins cautiously. I put my hand out, stopping him.

"I need a walk." I say, getting off the couch and towards the door.