Fighting For Us - Book 4

Panic Attacks

STEF POV

"Can I get you anything, Stef? Water? Iced tea? Beer? Also I'm sorry it's so fuckin ass hot in here. Me and my roommates have been saving for a window unit, but you know how expensive that fuckin shit is," Cinnamon laughs as she leans on the doorway to the living room in her shared apartment. I smile softly as I sit on the edge of the large sofa and rub the back of my neck as she lights a smoke.

"Water sounds nice love," I stand and unbutton my shirt as it feels like a thousand degrees no matter where I go today which I feel contributed to my attack earlier. I had begged Cinnamon not to call Lena as this would only add to her anxiety in begging me to take a leave from my job. Taking a seat back down I grab for my own smoke as I'd love a beer if I was honest just to not feel so damn stupid. But I was on my lunch break and that was just not an option.

"Ice water comin up 5-0!" Cinnamon laughs as she hands me a chilled glass filled to the brim with ice cubes and water. "You need to start taking care of yourself, Stef. Remember when you used to preach that to me and Will all the time? Or did you conveniently forget? Because back in the day you used to bust my ass. Just sayin."

The slender woman with her longer dreads that she wore since the time I met her on the streets glares at me waiting for an answer. It was true I had busted her ass as I notice her newer tattoos as she folds her arms across her chest. She's dressed in her paramedic uniform as she had just finished working her shift for the day and I sigh as I sit slowly back on the couch.

"I swear this doesn't happen often, Cin. I think it's the heat," I lie and she knows it as I take a puff of my cigarette.

"Call me crazy but you always were a hard ass, Mama," she laughs as she sits across from me. "Now, you're always the one lecturing me, but maybe it's time I tell you a thing or two."

I roll my eyes as I glare at her over my water. "I'm fine, Cinnamon..."

"You're sure as hell not fuckin' fine." She sits forward, folding her hands in front of her. "The last time you called me, you blamed the bad Chinese you ate for lunch. And the time before that, it was the migraine you had been carrying around for three days. Cut the bullshit, Stef! I'm not buying it! Never have and never fucking will. You think my skinny ass was born yesterday? Not so and you know this shit. Just like you I know everything and I know a con and I know a fucking lie. So spill. Beside you know I know how your ass is anyway. Remember I did live with you."

I swallow hard as I slam the glass down a little too hard on her walnut coffee table and stand to my feet, my knees a bit wobbly. She jumps to her feet to steady me. "Cinnamon!!!! I didn't ask for all that shit and I told you what the damn problem is! Did I just not or are you deaf!?

"No you are deaf! Because I'm calling you out on your BULLSHIT because I love you! I do and you are the closet person I ever had that came to being my mother. So I'm gonna call you out on your shit, Stef. I just am because I want you to be ok more than anyone!"

"Cin..."

"Hush! You busted my ass back in the day to get my shit together. You kept getting on me to get clean over and over again! You were a hard ass! And you called me out on my bullshit every single day until I finally listened!"

"That was...that was different, love! I..."

"How? How so?? Tell me how fuckin so?" She shouts putting her cigarette in the ashtray. "Yea it's NOT different. I'm a fucking paramedic, Stef! So YOU SIT your ass down until I say it's ok or I swear I'll call Lena right now! Which one is it, Mama?" She demands as she pushes me slightly to a sitting position and kneels in front of me. I look into her angry gray eyes and feel my face flame as I let out a sigh. "Don't mother fucking move! Got it!"