Fighting For Us - Book 4

Not Goodbyes

STEF POV

"Daddy, hey," I say walking into the hallway and seeing my father as the kids rush out to go play in the snow. He was honestly the last person I thought I'd see as he stands awkwardly in the doorway.

"Hi, Stefanie. Is this a bad time?"

"No. No, not at all. We just finished unwrapping presents." I say feeling Lena's hand now slip into mine. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas. To the both of you, Lena."

"Merry Christmas, Frank. We have plenty of leftover breakfast. Would you like some?" Lena asks kindly as I let out a warm smile.

"Just coffee and um, Stefanie do you have a bit to chat?"

"Sure, Daddy. I don't need to be to work until three."

"Ok. Good."

"But come in and have a seat. Please." Lena says as  I head into the kitchen and brew another pot of coffee. "I'll leave you two alone. Going to shower."

"Ok babe." I smile and kiss her lips softly as she leaves the both of us alone. Glancing to my father I can see that the kiss made him uncomfortable. "So Daddy um, you are leaving Mom alone on Chistmas?" I ask getting two mugs out as he clears his throat.

"Your mother and I had a disagreement."

"Over?" Pouring the coffee I take a seat at the table with him and light a smoke. "Praying over my soul and yours?"

"She didn't want me to come to dinner Stefanie Marie. "

"I figured. Mama is very set in her ways." I say puffing on my smoke as he takes a sip of coffee. "But I never want to come between you and her Daddy. Especially on a holiday. You two have a good marriage."

"Yeah. Stefanie, I have a lot of guilt. Guilt over everything. Over your brother over you and  your mother prays the guilt away on herself but life is short, and I'm really glad that Lena called me. You don't know how many times I've picked up the phone to call, but my pride got in the way."

"I can understand that, Daddy. We're a proud family." I laugh as he lets out a small smile. That shocked me for I had not seen him smile in decades. But he was right we were a very proud family and I certainly didn't get this way by myself.

"But I came by today because I've thought a lot about what you said last night."

"About?"

"Well, how you didn't choose to be gay."

"I didn't, Daddy, and I know you don't believe me, but..."

"Look," he cuts me off as he folds his hands in front of him. "You always wanted to be around me when you were little, and when I went off to war, your mother said you had high anxiety. The only way to help calm your nerves was for her to redirect you, and that's when you started baking, remember?"

I laugh awkwardly as I put out my smoke and take a sip of my coffee. "I do. I really loved baking. It's something I don't get to do much of anymore, but I do make a mean birthday cake."

"I know you do. You use to make them all the time for your brothers. My point is, you'd spend hours in that kitchen baking your heart away, and when I came home, you'd bake me something different every day."

"I don't get where you're going with this, Daddy," I laugh softly as his fierce hazel eyes look right at me. And at that point I never realized how much I favored him.

"I guess what I'm saying is, you didn't choose to have that anxiety, and your mom was smart enough to find something to alleviate it. I guess I was thinking of that last night at the hotel, and it hit me pretty hard. If you didn't choose to be gay, then you had to have been pretty miserable with Mike, and that tears me up inside...to even think of that."

Tears come to my eyes now, and I don't know what the hell to think. I'm not sure how to wrap my mind around this. Is he admitting he was wrong? Is he apologizing to me?

I bow my head as I struggle to keep my composure. "I was...I was, Daddy. It was hard."

"When did you know? That you, that you were gay."

"Um it's hard to say the exact time. But looking back on it I was pretty young. But I mean it wasn't something I could tell anyone and when I got to the base in California  I...

"Met Lena."

"Yeah. She changed my life. And I know you don't like her and..

"Stefanie, I never had a problem with Lena. I just was scared of what was going on and I thought your mother and I messed up or something."

" I don't know Daddy I beg to differ. I assumed you didn't care for Lena because she Is black. And you and Mama discouraged me from associating with anyone who didn't look like us."

"It was the times. It's just how it was it wasn't personal. I know things are more open these days but back in my dad there were lines you didn't cross and I wanted to keep you safe. But here you are keeping other people safe. By being a cop." He says partly smiling as I sip my coffee again. " "I've come along way and it hasn't been easy. And it's not that I don't think you can't be a cop I just worry about the only little girl I have. I know your a grown woman and one I'm proud of but in my eyes your still that little girl. And I'm sorry about how much your Mom and I hurt you with the divorce and not being there. I'm sorry."

I can barely see out of my eyes right now for they are burning with tears. Burning big time as they fall down my cheeks and I feel my father grab my hand.

"Do you forgive me?"