Fighting For Us - Book 4

Talk to Me

LENA POV

"I didn't know about her brother! How could I?" Julius throws up his hands in dismay after Stef had stormed off. " I had no clue, Mocha! And...and you visited my father. Why?? Why would you visit that arrogant asshole after everything I told you about him?"

"Jules, I get you're upset, okay. But Stef has been through hell this year, and before you say anything," I raise my hand, "I understand you have as well. But she lost two brothers, Jules, and she thought she had lost the third! YOU! What did you expect? Did you expect we'd not worry about you? Did you think we'd sit back and wait til you reached out? We had no clue! Zero clues that you decided to join the Peace Corp! We went to talk to your dad as a last resort, too!"

Julius is as white as a ghost even if he is tanned from working out in the sun this summer, and I grab a bottle of wine and two glasses and motion for him to follow me outside. I know that my dad and mom have the kids who are most likely lounging watches movies down in our family den. "Your mom invited me by the way," he says this so softly, I swear I'm hearing things as I light the big candle in the middle of our picnic table before pouring us each a glass of wine.

"Wait a minute. I think I'm hearing things. Did you just say that my mom invited you?"I laugh as I kick off my flip flops and take a seat across from him. Of course I'm still very worried about Stef feeling my stomach turn at how upset she is at me.

"You're not hearing things, Queen. She did. She called me after Ryan died, and we just talked for hours. She was...she reminds me so much of my mother, I confided in her." He solemnly looks down as he says this, and my mind hurts as I desperately try to understand exactly what he's telling me.

"I...I don't understand, Jules," I blink back tears. Tonight has been super emotional on all of us, and I feel terribly as it wasn't supposed to end like this, and I struggle not to go and tell my mother off big time.

"I'm sorry, Len. I really am. I was so damn lost. I know you, all, were there for me. I know it, and Dana gave me a stern lecture when she found out how I left you, all, hanging like I did. She's the reason I sent the postcard to begin with because I was embarrassed and didn't think I could face you, all, ever again in life." He sniffles softly, and I reach across the table and take his hand in mine.

"I'd rather you face us then allow us to think...think that you...you were..." I trail off as tears strangle my voice.

"Dead? I know. She scolded me badly, Mocha. She practically hounded me to take my days that I get off and come and see you here in Maine. She said it was Callie's birthday, and you were throwing this big shindig. I would have been here sooner, but my plane was delayed in Atlanta."

I get up then and walk around the picnic table to pull him in my arms. I bury my face in his neck as we hold each other and cry. "I was so scared, Jules...I didn't know what I'd do if you were gone, too!" I cry as he rubs my back and cries as well.

"I'm sorry, too! You, both, are my sisters! And Tess! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" We cry like this for several minutes not realizing that Stef had just finished talking to Callie and was observing us, tears welling up in her eyes as well.

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STEF POV

"Mama, it's not good to keep things locked up. You tell me this all the time." Callie says to me as we are sitting closely beside each other in the sand. I am not proud of myself for how I reacted nor am I proud of the fact that my daughter is now comforting me. I feel torn and confused, hurt and sad, and her comfort is inviting even if I'm a little embarrassed.

"Love, this isn't your worry. I'm sorry for how I behaved back there."

"Mama, you're my mother, my best friend. I know you're my parent first, but you really are. And yes, I know there is a line I never cross, but I do care about you so much. And I guess I've tried to tell you what I notice you doing to yourself. I do, and I mean it with all the respect in the world." Glancing at her I smile and grab her hand, holding it as I can't help but kiss her cheek. "It's been a super hard few months for you. With Uncle Ryan, Uncle Frank and then with Uncle Julius disappearing. Also well, your...your breakup with you know who."

"Ha! That was ages ago, babe."

"Doesn't mean it didn't leave a dent in your heart and soul. You have dealt with a lot for a long time, Mom. And I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but you hold it all inside until what happened tonight, happens."

"Ahh, my love, I'm ok. I just have my moments, honey."

"Mom, you know it' ok to admit you're not ok, right? You don't always have to be so...so tough and strong...and stubborn." She laughs as I look to her smiling. "And I hate to break it to you, but I kinda know you really, really , really, well, and well, I get it cuz I'm kinda like you in that way."

"Yeah, babe, as scary as that is to admit, I know you know me, and I see a lot of myself in you. We have been through a lot together." I look to her smiling as she returns it and our hands remain locked together. I can't help but wrap my arm around her shoulders as we sit and watch the waves lap over the warm sand.

"I know you were worried about Uncle Julius, and I know your brother dying really hurt you. I know he meant a lot to you. But Ma, you know it's not your fault he died, right?" She looks at me with her big brown eyes...eyes that always melt my heart.

"Ah Callie bear, I don't know love. I could have done much more than...than I did."

"You did the best you could. He had problems his whole life, and that's not your fault."

"Yeah baby, he did, I guess." I say continuing to look out at the ocean, for if I look back into her eyes, I might begin to cry all over again.

"Mom?"

"Yeah, love?"

"You couldn't really stop him from using drugs or from getting HIV. He had a mind of his own, you know. Kinda like we all do, and I know you think he would have listened, but at the end of the day, it was up to him to want to change and get help."

"What?" I say looking to her surprised, for I had not told Callie about this at all. And since when did she become so damn wise?

"I know, Mama. I know what happened with Uncle Frank."

"Oh, baby." I sigh putting my head down. "I didn't want you to know that."

"Why, Mama? I'm ok. It's real life, and you can't shield me from that. I have to see it at some point." She squeezes my hand again.

"Yeah I know love but...I don't know. There's been so much death lately and this virus is...it's..."

"Scary. I know. Are you ashamed of him?"

"No! Definitely not!" I look back at her as she looks so innocently at me.

"I'm not either. And it's okay to be sad. And it's okay to be mad. Scream! Yell! Get it all out. And you're human, Mama! Okay? And I'm here...and so is Queen Mocha and Frankie and Corey! We, all, are! Because we love you. And so does Uncle Julius."

"I love you all too, sweetness. Very much so and just so you know I am very, very proud of you."

"Me?"

"Yes, you. You are wise, beautiful, intelligent and funny. And Cals, you are my best friend too." I can only smile as we hug each other closely for a bit before finally pulling back to look at the full moon that's now above the calm water. I love this little girl so much and she is one of best things that has ever happened to me.

"Thennn...as your best friend, but first your daughter," she giggles as she says the last part. "I think you need to go talk to Uncle Julius. And listen, Mama! Don't block him out."

"I listen." I say looking offended as she gives me a look.

"Ma?"

"Ok, I'll listen. I promise."

"Good! Walk back with me and we can get birthday ice cream?"

"Anything for you, my love. Anything." I smile once again as we hold hands walking along the sand.