Fighting For Us - Book 4

Late Christmas Night Talk

STEF POV

It had been a long Christmas night as I walk up the steps to our apartment just happy to be home. I knew with it being one in the morning that my family was asleep and I hated that I missed Christmas night with them. But it was the nature of my job and my family understood even if we all missed each other terribly. 

Unlocking the front door I head in and hang up my police jacket, hat, and coat. The snow had managed to stick making it slippery as hell and had even gotten worse as the day went on. Taking my boots off I head into the living room to see the Christmas tree on and Corey fast asleep. Walking over to my son I kiss his forehead and cover him a bit more with the covers. He had been so happy earlier to see the snow as we had joined them outside in a snowball fight bringing me back to my youth. My father had even thrown a few snowballs as it seemed we were well on our way to rebuilding our relationship. Of course I forgave him even if somethings still hurt and probably would for a bit. But he was my father and I loved him more then anything.

Seeing the stove light on and my plate with a note on it I smile for Lena was so sweet. Sweet as hell as I pour myself a glass of water hearing someone walk in the kitchen. Thinking it was maybe Callie or Frankie or even Lena it is not as I turn to see Stefanie standing there and looking rather hesitant.

"Hey, babe. You ok? What you doing up?" I ask smiling and taking another sip of water as she looks at the ground and back to me.

"Oh I was just up reading and heard you come in."

"Yeah? You hungry? I was just about to eat if you want to share."

"Um, I'll just have water."

"Yeah, come sit with me anyway. Let me just lock this stuff up ok?"

"Yeah." She says as I go lock up my gun and hear her heat up my food. Her behavior surely had shifted since our talk I thought as I quickly change out of my uniform, throwing on my big NYPD shirt and sweatpants. I hurry back to take a seat at the table and smile as I see my food.

"Aww, thanks babe. That was nice of you to heat it up for me."

"You're welcome. I figured you're tired."

"Yeah...I'm ok. But here, have some. I can't eat all this." I smile as she nods her head taking a piece of ham. "So you guys have a fun the rest of the day? MM?"

"Yeah we um, watched a lot of movies and played with our gifts and stuff."

"Yeah? That's good. You talk to your Mama and Daddy?"

"Yeah. They were at the beach earlier today they said."

"Damn. That's just not right. While we all freeze and have a snowstorm going on!" I laugh taking a bite of the stuffing as a small smile graces her face as well. I can't help but gently stroke her cheek as her eyes look to me. "Talk to me, honey. What's on your mind? You haven't said much lately."

"Are the bruises you have from work? I wasn't being nosy. I just saw the other day."

"Um, yeah. That's the nature of it. Sometimes when you chase people, they throwing shit at you, you fall or you get slammed into stuff when you're trying to calm them down or cuff them. It's more physical than people think."

"I didn't realize, I guess."

"Yeah it's ok. Here take some more food, babe." I offer as she takes a small bite of my stuffing and I can tell she really wants to ask me something.

"I'm sorry I said your job was a joke. And that all you do is write parking tickets. I really do apologize, godmommy."

"Forgiven. But what else is on your mind? I know you and I have more to talk about in terms of everything and we can talk slowly about it. I know you're still angry with me, love."

"I just...you dated Luisia."

"Yeah. I did and?"

"Well...you broke up with my Mom for her?"

"No. It wasn't like that either, honey. Your Mom and I weren't ever really together. We cared for each other, but we weren't ever together. She was never my girlfriend."

"Did you want her to be? Or was it just her who wanted you to be? Like if you never went out with Luisa, would you just have gone out with my Mom?"

"Your Mom and I knew it was better if we were just friends. Even when people know that's logically the best it's not always easy for the heart. Feelings are sometimes so hard to explain. They just are and sometimes we don't know, baby."

"So only Lena and Luisa were good enough to date and my Mom was just...whatever?"

"Baby, no not at all."

"Then what?! I don't get it!"

"Honey, it is not that easy to explain and please watch your tone." I remind her as her eyes narrow and I can see she is getting more and more upset.

"Well make me understand. Because I don't and on my end it looks like you used my mom!"

"Stefanie..."

"It's Star!" She snaps as she recoils, pulling far away from me and jumping to her feet.

"Keep your voice down young lady. I will NOT tell you again. Now sit down. Now." Shaking her head she takes a seat once again at the table with me as I move my chair closer to hers. 

"Listen, I never used your Mom. Ever. She was always worth it to me. She of course was more than good enough to be my girlfriend. Always was." I say as softly as possibly tucking, her long braid behind her ear. "What I mean by it being hard to explain is sometimes it doesn't even make sense to adults what they do.  Your Mom and I knew even if there were other feelings involved that we were better off as friends. And that is not always an easy thing to do."

"I still don't get it," she folds her arms across her chest as tears fall down her cheeks, and I sigh as I slowly reach over to take her hand in mine.

"Stefanie, I didn't know your Mom had those feelings like that, okay?"

Her eyes slowly look into mine as she sniffles. "Then why did you sleep with her?" She whispers shakily, and I swallow hard.

"Love," I sigh as I struggle to come up with the right words. "Sometimes, things just happen. And, sometimes mistakes are made...I'm not saying that it was a mistake to do that. Your mother is far from a mistake. But I didn't know she loved me like that. We always talked things through, and we always came to the same conclusion: we were each other's best friend."

She sniffles some more as she slowly nods her head and wipes her tears away quickly. "I'm sorry," she sniffles softly as she looks down, and I move to cup her chin.

"My sweet baby girl, I'm sorry you felt as if I didn't want you and your Mom. I really am sorry, and I'm sorry you read her journal and found all of this stuff out. Can you tell me why you read it? MM?"

She is quiet for a long time, and I wonder if she'll even answer, but when she finally does, I'm not shocked. "Because she looked so unhappy, and she always was snappy and mad at me and my dad. I know I acted a fool, but I knew it was more...I'm sorry, godmommy. I shouldn't have. Do you think she'll forgive me?"

I lean in to kiss her forehead as I whisper. "I'm sure. She spoke to you today, yes?"

"Yes."

"And how did it go?"

"It was ok. We didn't fight." She whispers as my hold her hand.

"That's good. Listen I know we will have to keep talking but we'll take it one day at a time, okay?"

"Okay," she whispers. 

"Okay, let's go to bed, my love. C'mon. Tomorow is another day."