Fighting For Us - Book 4

The Diary

STEF POV

It's safe to say I have one big ass headache for Stefanie has been really, really trying my patience more than any one of my kids ever did. Her behavior is something I really can't seem to wrap my mind around and I have no tolerance for it. None and all and between the back talking, the disrespect and the mean comments she was throwing my way the girl was just asking for a daily ass whooping.

Sure I wish I could have followed Lena's advice in terms of remaining calm and bringing up the talk about the diary but that went out the window when she mouthed off to me earlier about my job and was popping her gum in my face. There was just no excuse for how she has been speaking to me for the past few months. None at all.

Of course, I know she has been struggling, I know she has been having issues, ones we were trying desperately to get to the bottom of, but I also know that she knows better.  She knows this isn't who she is regardless of how angry she is with me, or how angry she is with Tess, her father, or any of us.

At the end of the day, my goddaughter needs help and soon, and I am doing everything I can for her. Taking her to therapy, putting her in a domestic violence group. I mean trying to talk to her which I had failed at so far. But in my mind if whatever she read in Tess' diary triggered this, I feel I only have myself to blame.

If she really did read her mother's diary, shit, it could have said anything...and explaining it would be damn difficult. Hell, it was difficult to explain to Lena much less myself but to a teenager?

How? How in the hell am I going to even do that? I mean, sure I have a small idea that she thought Tess and I had something but I possibly am in massive denial. Damn. Right now it seems as if that one act we did in '69, which lead to something more, is causing more harm then we would ever have imagined. And for the first time in my life, I regret it.

As I rub my forehead  and light a smoke I quickly dial Tess on my desk phone while Stefanie is in group for the next 45 minutes. This is something I need to talk to her about or maybe get a sense of what in the hell Stefanie read. That alone was making me nervous if I was honest and I knew this wasn't going to be an easy conversation.

"Hello?" I hear Tess' calm voice on the other end as I sip my coffee at my desk closing a file I had been working on.

"Hey my love; how are you? MM? Happy Holidays!"

"Stef, hi! Is everything ok? Is she being terrible? I know she is. Listen if you need to send..."

"Love, no. Relax." I say calming her down for she is talking a mile a minute. "She's in good hands and we aren't sending her back but listen I need to talk to you, love. Ok?"

"Of course. What's wrong? You guys need me to send more money? I can send it now if you need."

"Love, no. It's nothing like that sweet..Tess." I correct myself as I put my smoke down. "Listen I need to ask you something, love. Ok? And it's not to get into your business or anything. I would never."

"Sure. About what?"

"I don't know how to ask this but...love did you ever keep a journal?"

"A journal. Yes, why?"

"Well um...did you ever...well did you ever write about us in it?" With that question the phone goes silent for what seems like an hour as I can tell she is uncomfortable. "Love?"

"I'm still here. I ummm...I may have written a few things...but why?"

"Stefanie read it. She knows about us. Well she knows about whatever you wrote, honey." I say as she lets out a heavy sigh.