Fighting For Us - Book 4

Christmas Eve Morning

LENA POV

"Well I'm glad you and Stefanie were able to talk." I say to Stef as we are sitting on the bed and I gently blot her naked back with a cold cloth.

The one thing about her being a cop is she had so many bruises all over body from falling, running, fighting with criminals, being cut and stabbed, that when I first saw it, it horrified me. But she reassured me that was just the nature of her job as I gently apply the cold rag to the giant black and blue bruises that took over half her back. "Do you think it helped any?"

"MM not sure baby. I mean I can only hope so. She did hug me and cry for a good amount of time. But she's been rather quiet since. She barely looks at me still."

"She's probably embarrassed."

"Yeah, I mean I guess."

"But you got to the root of why she is so angry with you right? I mean it seems so." I ask treading lightly for I wasn't even sure if I should even pry into this.

I know partly what it was but not everything as Stef lifts her head and turns to look at me. I drop my gaze, and she gently lifts my face up to look back into her warm hazel eyes. This topic has surfaced so many times and it always leaves both of us feeling so awkward that I just don't know how to feel about it nor do I know how to act.

"You know you are my love and the love of my life, Lena? Yes? MM?" She whispers softly, and I nod.

"Yes, of course."

"And you know my allegiance is to you, yes?" She says stroking me cheek with the back of her hand.

"Yes, of course."

"Then stop worrying. Understand me? I know it got very, very complicated with Tess and you and me and..."

"Stef." I say now cupping her cheek. "As long as Stefanie is okay. That's what matters. Ok? I'm not stupid, baby. I know Tess has feelings for you still and she probably always will."

"I didnt know, Len. I feel like my head has been under a rock or something. Stefanie...she..."

"She's angry with you for making a life here with us. What did she read? That Tess wanted a life with you? That Jerry changed her?"

"How did you know?"

"Because it's obvious, baby. Maybe that's why I can't and couldn't trust her."

"Fuck." She says shaking her head as I gently rub her back. "This is my fault. This is..."

"Stef. This is not your fault. You can't change how someone feels. It's not your fault, baby."

"Lena. I didn't know Tess...that she feels how she feels. I asked her over the phone what her diary said and she didn't tell me half of what Stefanie told me. Which I didn't expect her too. I mean...I'm not out to break anyone's heart and I never was. Ever in life." She says with so much hurt. "I never meant to cause so much pain to anyone. You or her. I messed up your friendship and I..."

"Stef." I say gently cupping her cheek once again. "Life happens how it happens. Feelings happen how they happen. At times I blame myself for how I treated you and that maybe if I had not been so difficult it wouldn't have happened."

"Lena. No. We were wrong. Both Tess and I were wrong in what we did. I thought her and I could be friends after everything. I didn't realize she felt this way still. Or maybe if I did I was hoping she could work it out with Jerry and Stefanie could have a family. She..." She trails off as we hear a knock at the door.

"Um yes who is it?"

"Stefanie." We hear the girl's soft voice.

"Come in, baby." Stef says as the girl opens the door hesitantly and Stef puts her shirt back on covering the bruises as she is not fast enough and I see the girl's worried look.