Fighting For Us - Book 4

Like A Brother

STEF POV

"Stef, I'm really sorry to hear about Frank Jr! Like you have no idea how sorry I am!" Julius says as we sit out on the patio and I light a smoke. Truth is, I am so damn angry with him, but I promised my babygirl I would listen. However it is proving to be difficult as I look out over the ocean while puffing my smoke.

"Its ok." I say rather harshly.

"Nooooo! I wasn't there for you like you were for me, Mama! I should have been. You know you're my sister. I just...I needed to get away. And I wasn't thinking straight! I just wasn't!"

"I get it."

"Will you give me more then two or three word answers so that we can be more productive here? I mean I'm sorry! What more can I do, Stef? I've been kinda lost and..."

"Nothing. You did what you needed to do. Everyone handles it their own way." I say sharply as I feel his hand touch my arm. Avoiding his eyes he takes my smoke and puts it in the ashtray forcing me to look at him. Part of me is so angry with him but the other part understands why he did what he did regardless of how much we all tried to help him.

"Stef, I know you, Mama. I know you better then you know yourself."

"Yeah? Is that so? Enlighten me!" I glare at him.

"Yes! I've known you since you were that shy girl on the army base! You were my sister then and still are. You tell me; Steffy! What can I do so ya'll talk to me?"

"For one, stop calling me Steffy! I fucking hate it! Jesus!" I snap as I pull away.

"I know! That's why I was saying it!" Grabbing the cigarette once more as he busts out laughing, all I can do is playfully roll my eyes looking back at the ocean.

"Look, I get it ok? I do. I get you needed to leave. I get you needed to find yourself and figure out who you are without Ryan. Maybe this is what you needed to do, and for that, I can't be angry with you. I can be angry with you for not letting us know or at least leaving a note or some shit. Because that was NOT cool to have all of us worrying knowing how much we love you. That's what I have a problem with, Julius. That."

"Hey I get that, Mama! I do and I know, like I really know it wasn't kosher of me to do. Soo I am sorry for that. Please say you forgive me??? Pleaseeeeeeeee..." He begs grabbing my arm as I roll my eyes again finally finishing my smoke.

"Yes, I forgive you and I apologize for cursing at you. It wasn't my best moment. But tell me, did it help you? Being away?"

"It did, yes. Course I missed my girls. But Stef, aside from that, what happened with Frank Jr?" He asks as I light another cigarette and puff on it while I look back over the water again, for this was not what I wanted to talk about. At all.

"He didn't listen," I finally manage as I take a long drag from my smoke before exhaling. Julius leans forward once more and places his warm hand on my free one. "I tried to...to help him, and he refused to admit he was...was gay. But that's beside the point. He also was in denial that he was...sick." I look into his eyes now as tears burn my own.

"It's not your fault, Mama. It's really not. Remember our boy, Larry?"

"Oh, god!" I roll my eyes as he giggles.

"That boy said he was clean! He swore it! And dummy us believed his sorry ass! Homeboy KNEW he wasn't, but proceeded to infect Ryan and a few others! So, it happens, Stef."

He waves his hands, and as I watch him, my heart melts. I missed this man more than anything, and just having him here again with us...with me, is all I can ask for for my broken heart. Finishing up my smoke, I take his hand in mine as I look into his eyes.

"I love you, Jules. I don't know what I'd do without you in my life, you know that? You're my brother, too. And don't you ever scare the fuck out of me again like that in life, do you hear me?"

He tugs on my hand and twirls me around, and I laugh. "I promise, Steffy!"

"Mother fucker!" I curse as we both laugh and walk hand in hand inside. It's almost midnight, and we're exhausted.

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LENA POV

It seemed as if Stef was gone for hours as I tried to wait up for her since she was speaking with Julius. I knew she was angry with me but I had planned on telling her about the interview. When? I didn't know, but having her overhear was not how I wanted it to turn out. She was still very much on edge about many things and her blow up proved that. Stef was still dealing with the painful death of her brother which I knew she blamed on herself. Hell, if anyone understood, it was me, for at times I still blamed myself for Will's death.

As I lay my head on the pillow my mind is swimming out of control. So much has happened in the past few years that I'm not always sure where I am sometimes. One thing I do know is my children seem happy with our new life and the fact that Stef and I are together. That alone makes life easier. Closing my eyes a bit, I finally hear Stef walk into the bedroom and slide next to me. Normally she snuggles against me but tonight she has her back to me and has not touched me at all.

"Stef, can we talk?"

"About?" She says rather coldly, her back still turned.

"Well...about the interview?" I say as I hear her let out a heavy sigh. "I wasn't planning on keeping it from you at all. I didn't even think they would call me back."

"Of course they called you back, Lena. No one wants to teach there and you most certainly will not be. No way." She moves to her back as she snarls in the darkness.

"Excuse me?" I say now sitting up and flicking on the lamp.

"Can you turn the damn lamp off? I'm tired as it is."

"No! I can teach where I want." I shout as she now sits up looking at me. "I have my own mind."

"Hey! I never said you didn't!! But over my dead body will my woman be teaching there!!" Her cheeks are red and her blonde waves in disarray around her naked shoulders.

"Oh so only you're the tough one! I see how it is! It's okay for you to work there, but heaven forbid I come along and try!"

"Jesus! I never said that, woman!!"

"Then what DID you say? Huh? Cuz from where I'm sitting you're trying to do the very thing Mike tried with you!" I fling at her as she clenches her fists on the sheer sheet, her face redder than ever.

"Wow. That was a low blow, even for you, Lena," she says in a low voice as we stare each other down. I can feel my heart hammering in my chest as I struggle for air. I haven't been this angry in god knows how long, but I am. I'm furious beyond compare as I get out of bed and yank the blanket off the bed stool and head for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Anywhere where you're not," I bite back as I place my hand on the door knob.

"No, you're not, Lena."

"Excuse me?" I twirl around ready to pounce.

"Get your ass in bed. Please. If you go out there, you will only proceed to freak out our children, who by the way are already fucking freaked out. They saw me explode earlier, and I'll be damned if they see you on the damn couch."

I stare her down, deciding what to do as she flings back the covers. Taking several deep breaths, I don't move, but she pats the bed.

"Please. Lena," she says firmly, and I swallow back my pride as I head to grab the various pillows on the floor and begin to stack them down the middle of the bed. "What the hell are you doing?" She frowns as I place the last one.

"If I can't sleep out there, I sure as hell will make a line. Don't bother touching me tonight." I swing my legs under the covers and flip off the light.

"You don't have to worry about that. You made it damn near impossible." She retorts in the darkness as I bury my face and quietly cry myself to sleep in the pillow.