Bad Reputation | S.M.

Chapter 82

I woke up next to both of my brothers, six in the morning and my graduation began at ten. I slowly got out of bed, trying not to wake up them up. I got up and began to get ready so I could make it to the AA meeting before the ceremony. I knew that our local church the meeting began at eight, so I rushed to put on my dress, do my makeup, and curl my hair a bit. I limped around with my foot and grabbed my things, stuffing my wallet in my bag and grabbing my black cap and gown. I smiled at my sleeping brothers and grabbed my crutches, hopping downstairs. I saw my mom sitting at the kitchen table, reading one of her thick books and drinking a cup of coffee.

"Where are you off to my cripple?" She giggled and I slightly smiled, making it down the stairs.

"I just have something to do before I graduate."

"Oh, okay, are you driving?" She furrowed her eyebrows and I nodded.

"Yeah, luckily I didn't break my right leg."

"Well, take some coffee and I guess the next time I'll see you," she stood up and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "You'll be walking on that stage and receiving the diploma."

"I can't wait, I'll blow a kiss from the stage." I smiled and she kissed my forehead.

"I know it'll be hard Nicole, going up there, but know that people love you and you are stronger. You are also not the person everyone makes you out to be." She held my hands in hers. "You go up there and show them, exactly who you are. I'm proud of you."

"I will mom, thank you." I smiled and placed a kiss on her cheek before hugging her tightly. I grabbed a travel mug and filled it with coffee, saying goodbye to my mom and heading down to my car. I drove out five minutes to the local church and walked straight into the conference room where the meeting was being held. I sighed, staring at all of the melancholic faces that surrounded me. Everyone looked defeated and others looked anxious to talk about what they were feeling.

I took a seat on one of the foldable chairs and waited for the talk to begin. I stared down at my hands, fiddling a bit, recalling all the times I have been drunk and realizing that it really wasn't okay. I was in denial about everything. I sighed and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear as someone went up to stand at the podium.

"Goodmorning everyone." A middle aged woman dressed in jeans and a blue t-shirt, said with a slight smile on her face.

"Goodmorning." Everyone quietly said back in unison.

"My name is Tessa and I am an alcoholic," She began and everyone began to respond.

"Hi Tessa."

"I am now 28 years sober and I am loving every day of it. Of course I had my ups and downs, but AA taught me that those ups and downs are important. And it all starts with admitting to ourselves that we do have a problem, and that problem can be diminished." She stated and I nodded in acceptance. "Now, I am happy to say I see many new faces here today and I am glad you guys are ready to join us in this journey of recovery, I encourage everyone to come up to the podium."

She left the podium and the room went silent, everyone dreading to go up to speak and I understood them. I sighed, my foot bouncing up and down until I finally built up the courage to go up. I slowly walked, more like hopped, to the podium and stood in front of about twenty people. I sighed and thought before speaking.

I cleared my throat and began, "Hi my name is Nicole and I'm," I struggled to say, "an alcoholic."

"Hi Nicole." Everyone said and I slightly smiled, holding both sides of the podium because I could feel my hands start to shake.

"I am now a day sober, " I chuckled. " This past few years have been difficult for me and I started drinking around the age of 15. My dad had passed away and a few weeks later my mom attempted to take her life, putting her in a coma for years. I was left in charge of my two younger brothers who I put through hell with being constantly drunk and out of my mind, but I never wanted to admit I had a problem. I realized that what I was doing was hurting those around me, but at the same time I didn't care because I needed to numb the pain."

I said and I let a deep breath out, feeling tears form in my eyes.

"I hurt a lot of people and every time something went wrong in my life my first response was getting wasted to the point I would wake up in a strangers bed, not knowing what had happened and I hated myself for it." I shook my head, a tear falling down my cheek. "Two days ago I lost a person very important to me because of my past and I didn't learn from it, my first instinct was to get black out drunk and I did, resulting in more pain physically and mentally. I had broken up with the one person who had finally understood me and loved me for me, regardless of who I was before. The worst part was the look of disappointment on his face, that's what hurt me the most."

I choked out a sob and wiped away my tears, letting a deep breath out.

"I came here today because I want to do better, I am tired of the looks of disappointment and I'm ready to start my new life, sober." I slightly smiled and wiped away my tears carefully before hopping back to my seat as everyone clapped. It felt good, letting it out. I let out a sigh of relief and continued listening to everyone's talk, hearing how somehow everyone got through it, despite the numerous times they may have had set backs. It gave me hope.

After the meeting ended I stayed behind as people came up to me to give me hugs and show their support. I felt comforted by everyone and they each offered me advice. I picked up a few pamphlets that had the schedules of the meetings and a cup of water before someone tapped on my shoulder.

I turned to meet with a girl who looked as if she was in her twenties. I smiled and she opened her arms out to embrace me.

"I really enjoyed your story Nicole, it touched my heart and I'm sorry for all you've gone through." She said and I hugged her back.

"Thank you, it means a lot-"

"Liliana, or call me Lily." She smiled and I nodded. "I've been sober for two years now and I know how those first few days are hard, especially when dealing with something. I highly suggest you find a sponsor, it helps a lot to have someone who understands there for you."

"Oh okay, and how do I find a sponsor?"

"Well just pick someone you think is suitable for you, but they have to be a year sober and you have to ask them." She said and I nodded. "In the mean time I'll give you my number if you'd like, you can call me or text me anytime if you need advice or anything."

"Thank you, so much that's so nice of you."

"I was in the same spot as you before, the more support you have, the easier it becomes." She nodded and wrote her phone number down on a piece of a paper before handing it to me. I said my goodbyes and I got in my car, driving over to my school for my graduation, feeling like a nervous wreck knowing that I have to stand in front of everyone without breaking down.

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I finally updated! I know it's been two months and I'm so sorry but it's been really hectic lately. I hope you guys enjoy this short chapter I promise I'll try to get the next one up soon! A lot is going to happen in the future for Nicole y'all, good and bad....