Code Blue • Jackson Avery

Chapter Forty Two

I've official hit rock bottom, but I won't admit that to myself. I'm currently laying in bed for the fifth day in a row. My hair is beyond matted and tangled. The sheets wrapped around my body like a cocoon, protecting me from the outside world.

Jackson the saint he is, I think, has begun to give up on me. Everyday for the last three weeks he would come over after work and take care of me. I just laid in bed day in and day out.

I just heard him walk through the door sighing after what I could expect was a long stressful day.

"Hey Bella? Babe?" He quietly said as he walked into the bedroom. I didn't move or say a word from under the covers.

I could feel Jackson sitting on the edge of the bed on the other side as the mattress slightly shifted.

"Bella you need a shower" he said.

I didn't respond.

"Can you at least eat something?" He asked once more. He sighed at the lack of talking.

"Bella this is enough. You need to get up" Another voice said. It was my dad. Footsteps made there way closer to the bed. The covers that once surrounded me m, keeping me safe from the reality were ripped off. I was drawn out of own world.

"Leave me alone" I whined trying to curl my body into a ball.

"There she is, my whiny daughter" my dad said with a laugh.

"I said leave me alone"

"Let's go. This is pathetic. You're a surgeon you need to get back to work" my dad lectured. The words "you're a surgeon" caused me to jump up from spot in the bed.

"I'm no longer a surgeon. I will not step foot in a hospital again. I pulled the plug and that resulted in more than just one death" I spat in anger. My emotions flooded to the surface all at once.

The night of the shooting I crawled into bed and have barely left since. I hardly ate, barely showered and refused to speak...until now.

My dad's sad eyes appeared.

"Bella, you didn't cause it" he began. 

"But it happened. I refuse to be the cause of another mass murder" I said running my hands through my hair.

He grabbed my wrist making stand up.

"You need to face the world. You need to face the hospital. You don't get to throw away your talent over something that wasn't your fault. People die everyday but you can save them....why throw that away?" my dad said.

I stood there numb, he knew just the right thing to say. He took my hand and dragged me to the kitchen.

"Turn the sink on" my dad demanded. I tried to fight but his grip was no match for my weak, fragile body.

"Wet her hair" my dad said once more, the sink water instantly hitting my skin and hair. It was warm, comforting something I had longed.

"See you at the hospital tomorrow morning" my dad said with a smile. I stood at the sink next to Jackson with sopping wet hair.

"I'm gonna go wash up" I muttered in a soft voice heading for the shower.

45 minutes later and I emerged, feeling slightly better. I put on a fresh pair of pajamas and sat down softly next to Jackson who was on the couch. He lowered the volume on the tv and placed the remote down on the coffee table.

"Feel better?" He asked with a soft smile. I gazed at him he had a smile that just melts the world.

I locked eyes with him and instantly broke down into tears. I rest my head on his shoulder, fitting perfectly into the crook of his neck. His warms wrapped around me, gently stroking my back.

This was the first time I had displayed any emotion since that day.
———
The next morning I got up and tried to put scrubs on. Tried being the key word. Instead I settled for a sweatshirt and leggings grabbing my bag and ID card.

"Breakfast?" Jackson asked holding out a plate of eggs.

"Coffee is fine" I said. He gave me a sympathetic smile while handing me my Harvard mug filled with fresh brewed coffee.

"You're going to work like that?" He asked showing no emotions.

"I'll change when I get there" I lied.

"Well let's not be late" he said grabbing the car keys from the hanger near the front door. He jiggled them in his hand as if it was going to entice me to move faster.

I let out a forced chuckle and headed out the door.

We rode quietly to hospital and as we pulled into a spot panic began to set in.

"You got this. I'm so proud of you" Jackson said placing a hand on my thigh and kiss on the forehead. I took a deep breath in and out before exiting the car.