Code Blue • Jackson Avery

Chapter Seventy Eight

I stood in the middle of the family room with a vacuum in hand. I stared at the walls and the floor, examining what I could possibly clean and scrub next. My attention swiftly turned to the stairs as I heard footsteps walking down.

"This house is a mess" I exclaimed as Jackson came down the stairs with Gia in his arms.

"A mess?! You just scrubbed it three times. It can't be any cleaner" Jackson expressed.

"Don't you see the dust?" I asked.

"You need to relax" Jackson said placing a hand on my shoulder while looking me in the eyes. I took a deep breath trying to relax. "You're just trying to distract yourself. You know it's okay to cry"

I looked around at the house again. It was extremely clean, cleaner than it had ever been.

"I should go get ready" I muttered taking a step towards the stairs. Jackson softly smiled as to encourage me it was going to be okay. He and Gia were already dressed for the funeral.

I climbed the stairs stopping at the top step remembering one of the biggest fights I had with my dad.

"It's just not fair, I stayed with mom last weekend why can't I stay with you?" I had angrily asked on the top step of the brownstone as my dad rushed around.

"It's called work Bella, something you'll discover when you grow up. Life just isn't fair sometimes"  my dad countered back.

My 10 year old brain just couldn't comprehend at the time why his work required so much of his time.

"I hate this, I hate you" I yelled stomping down the stairs.

"Isabella Shepherd! You take that back" my dad yelled at me. It wasn't often he got stern and yelled but when he did it was scary.

"No, why can't you just not work this weekend. I wanted to spend time with you" I fought back.

"I have made plenty of sacrifices for you, more than you'll ever know. Don't tell me what I should and shouldn't sacrifice, I am your father"

"Maybe I should just live with mom, permanently" I snapped. Instantly I knew I had upset him. The look of anger melted to sadness. I instantly regretted saying what I had said. I hurried down the stairs and into the closet crying with my eyes bawling.

I shook away the thought not wanting to dwell on the horrible moments and fights we had endured.

I walked into Jackson's and I's bedroom. My dress for the funeral neatly laid out, pressed and pristine looking. I focused my attention back to the full length mirror on the wall.

I turned to the side looking at the small baby bump that was barely showing. I everyday regretted since his death not telling him about his second grandchild. I turned back around not wanting to cry and got changed into my dress.

I swiped on some concealer and mascara before grabbing my coat and heading back down the stairs.

"Bella, baby, how are you?" Jackson's mom asked. She had arrived to watch Gia while we buried my dad and was going to meet us after at the dinner.

"I'm fine, really" I said putting on my bravest and biggest smile I could muster. Catherine smiled back at me before kissing Jackson's cheek and wishing us goodbye.

We walked out of the house and into his car. We both sat there silently for a minute. I was staring at the house, thinking back to when I first saw my dad and Meredith making out on the couch. Jackson, I wasn't too sure what his thoughts were pondering on.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Yeah" I responded. He placed the car in reverse and we headed to the cemetery. I walked out of the car and grabbed Meredith into the biggest hug. She I could only imagine was just as internally distressed as I was.

"Bella" a voice called out behind us. Addison stood there with flowers. I ran up to her giving her a hug as well. Her warmth and smell bringing me back to my teen years.

As people arrived Meredith and I greeted and thanked those who showed up. My grandmother looked so upset. I knew she was heartbroken. Everyone was heartbroken....

After the funeral and dinner Meredith and I were saying goodbye to the last of the guests when Jackson came up with Bailey in his arms.

"We can watch Zola and Bailey tonight if you need" Jackson said.

"Thanks but I think I need the kids" Meredith explained grabbing Bailey out of Jackson's arm. We both smiled at her before leaving with Gia and Catherine.

"I can stay for a few days, help out" Catherine pleaded in the car trying to help out in a time of need.

"I think we got it mom. If we need you we will call" Jackson said. She smiled knowing it was no use trying to plead any further.

Later that night Jackson and I were sitting on the edge of the bed undressing from our funeral attire.

"What if I don't want to do surgery anymore?" I asked randomly. Jackson turned to face me dropping his shoe on the floor.

"Like no longer be a surgeon?" Jackson asked making sure he heard correctly.

"What's the point? I did because my dad loved it. I did it because I wanted to feel that kind of love for a career. Look where it got him. Brain dead"

"Bella, if that's how you feel, I'll support you through it but don't think that way. If anything think that we need more surgeons like him, those who can heal, fix, make miracles"

"I don't know" I said unsure of what I wanted out of life.