Someday, I'll Find My Way Home

Karl is still awake.

I know. I couldn't sleep in his bed as fast as I could.

Even though I was tired, my eyes were glued on the ceiling. It was 1 AM and I could only hear silent footsteps outside and the hum of the aircon breeze. 

Thoughts flooded my brain without even a notice. I began reciting the topics for our exams tomorrow, and the concepts that I still didn't get as much as the others. Once I got too confused as my mind shuffled the definitions on both of my examinations tomorrow, I decided to give it a break.

Then, my thoughts shifted to Marvin and Candace, whether how I would push Marvin to pursue her. They seemed perfect together. Candace just glowed more whenever Marvin was talking to her. Marvin couldn't stop talking about her whenever we walked to our dormitory. Maybe I could set them up on a date?

I sighed. I should take a rest. But it was hard. I wasn't accustomed on this bed, on the surroundings. The first night when I was in the dormitory, I slept at 3AM just because my eyes finally gave up. It was different from my bed at home. I didn't know the strangers I shared a room with, nor my neighbors. I didn't know if I was safe here. I was scared of even falling out on the double deck. 

Then, this. 

Axel was facing the wall. I didn't know how to react with another human being that shared a bed with me. The last time it happened was when I still slept with my parents in a single bed. Throughout my high school years, I had my own space and bed.

I wished I could listen to Taylor Swift instead. Her songs were my lullabies for me to sleep peacefully.

I tried to think of nothing and forced my eyes shut.

"Are you still awake?" 

I opened my eyes when I heard the whisper behind my ear.

"I know you're asleep, so I'm just gonna tell you this."

His voice was soft to prevent me from waking up. I gripped the ends of my shirt. No. This could not be happening. My thoughts were screaming louder than his voice.

"Thank you for talking to me on our first day. I'm so grateful that I met you, Karl."

I squinted my eyes. My mind was filling the gaps from his words, as if he was already done speaking. I was filled of assumptions that I never asked for. I tried to clear my mind from these. No. I refused to acknowledge whatever what I was feeling.

"Good night."

And I know it was wrong for me to think of the words he could've said at that time.

I reminded myself of the following words.

This is just a phase. 

This is part of growing up. 

-

When I woke up, a hand was resting on my waist. I blinked a few times to see things clearly. To think. I was hugging the huge hotdog pillow. His face was next to my shoulders. He pulled me closer as I push myself away. Even my body protested from stirring away. I know I have two examinations, but all I could think about was how his hand was near mine. His warmth. His smell. His breathing. Him. I didn't want to escape this, but I know for a fact that I couldn't stay longer. Never.