Someday, I'll Find My Way Home

Karl needs time.

The only good thing that came out of the academic calendar shift was the four-month vacation, since classes will start on August and I had ample time to move on from my feelings to Axel. I figured that it was one thing I need--to be far away from him as much as I could, so when the classes resume, I could look at him in the eye and see him only as my best friend.

Our conversations on Facebook (since I didn't want to buy prepaid load; such a waste if we have Internet) went from this:

Scenario 1:

Hey, how are you?

Good haha

I'm eating pancakes for breakfast now, I'm not used to it
I preferred the rice meals now tbh

It's yummy haha

Scenario 2:

Wanna hang out???

I don't have the money, sorry

Scenario 3:

Hey, wanna eat???

I told you, I don't have the money

I could fetch you there on Cavite

What??? No

Finally got my dad's car

No

Please?

No

:(((((((

He always sent me a lot  of selfies--like I was Instagram or something--with silly captions on it. Most of the time, his pictures were on his balcony along with his plants. Or sometimes in his bed (I must say, I love his bed sheet and pillow cases--minimalistic, almost had a mature tone in it). Or his food (mostly his breakfast and the chips he ate, I almost wanted to buy myself Cheetos but was reminded that it was pricey).

I never sent one back, just because my phone was low-quality and it didn't give a nice picture. Plus, I wasn't photogenic to begin with.

I didn't know that moving on from his was this hard, especially when he was trying to push himself in my life even more.

My friends were almost the same, trying to enjoy their vacations as much as they could. Candace went to Palawan for their first month. Marvin was... well, binging a lot of shows, too much that I was tempted to watch them too. Paula was everywhere--one time, she posted a picture of her in a beach in Batangas (on her swimsuit!), then next on a peak of a mountain, and recently on Baguio! 

On most nights, a surge of sadness overwhelmed me every time I look at their Facebook profiles and saw the four of them, hanging out, happy without me. I tried to shake it off, but the thought seemed ingrained on my mind. 

I would be always be the fifth wheel. 

I trained myself not to overthink this too much. I had all the time to do this. But sometimes, I couldn't help but to feel lonely in my own room... in my own home.

I missed UPLB.

-

Right before the semester ended, I applied for a part-time job on a fastfood restaurant so I could fund for a new phone and a laptop. I already saved enough for a laptop, thanks to my tutoring and student assistant gigs. I was waiting for the chance to buy it once I found the perfect model for me.