Someday, I'll Find My Way Home

Axel is haunted.

It was the night when we crashed at the condo of Candace's brother. 

I vaguely remember what my friends and I talked about, and I only remember the faint beat of Lorde's Ribs in the background. The only light in the room was coming from the balcony. The floor that was once clean was now messy with our bags, coats, and a lot of chips and cans of beers.

I looked at Paula, still beautiful in her burgundy dress and her hair was loose, holding a bottle on San Mig Light. Then there was Candace and Marvin, who held hands while dancing with the tune.

Karl was there, sitting on the bed, his smile had a hint of nostalgia and contentment.  His cerulean polo was opened, revealing his white shirt underneath. 

I sat next to him and asked, "You okay?"

I unfastened my tie and threw it on the floor.

He nodded. "Just tired."

"Me too."

I wrapped my arm on his shoulders. 

A couple of minutes later, all of us were too tired and decided to lay down without changing in our suits and dresses. Paula and I took the two sides while Karl was in the middle, while Candace and Marvin were in our feet. 

Karl was still wide awake, his eyes focused on the lights from the balcony. 

I could hear Lorde singing. The aircon hummed. Paula was instantly knocked out. Marvin was snoring below us, and Candace was hugging him tightly like he was a huge pillow.

"Can't sleep?" I asked him.

"I didn't want this day to end yet."

"Same."

I nudged him. My fingers found his, and I started to twirl them like a child playing their mother's finger. He didn't speak, but he was breathing heavily.

"You okay?" I asked, my tone basked with worry.

"Just... sad, I guess."

"Why?"

"I understand now why you're scared of growing up," he whispered. "If being young is this fun, then I don't want to grow up. Ever."

"Did you have fun today?"

"Of course."

"But why do I feel like there's something wrong?" I asked Karl. "We'll see each other next week. And the week after that. We have Facebook as well. We could have more of these next time."

"You do realize that we're running on an expiration date as well."

"I don't like to think about that way." I smiled. I continued circling my fingers around his. "I like to think that friendships last more than a lifetime."

"You think?"

"Yeah," I whispered. "We're endless."

I wrapped my arm around him.

"You're hugging me again," he said. I laughed softly.

"Yes. I like hugging my friends."

"I'm not a pillow."

"Don't you like my hugs?"

Karl turned his back on mine. "I don't," he said flatly.

I chuckled. "Whatever. I'm not pulling away." I tugged him closer to me, my nose hitting his shoulders.

His scent was the mix of my mom's laundry detergent and alcohol I spilled earlier on his shirt. Whenever I was hugging him, I always ask myself how he stayed on such great shape because he didn't have a lot of fats around his tummy, unlike me. I wanted to ask him how he could make me feel light and secured with this, like I was hugging my old teddy bear when I was a child. I wanted to ask him how he makes me happy every time I talk to him. 

I wanted to ask him to stay longer, like this, because I didn't want this day to end as well.

I stirred when I felt him turn around and face me.

His face was close to mine. He had some acne scars at the side of his face, but it wasn't noticeable. His hair that I fixed earlier was now messed up. He breathed gently without a sound.

I cupped his face, and my face was nearing him again. Closer, and closer...

Ring!

My whole body jolted upwards, and I searched for my phone who was screaming a metal song to wake me up. I pulled my hair and banged my head on the cushion. I cursed, loud enough for my neighbors to hear it.

I hid my face under the pillows and tugged my whole body under the blanket. Another dream about him, and it always ends on me pulling him closer before our lips meet again. This was the eight day since I started having nightmares like this--memories from the past that haunts me up to this day. It was enough to ruin my day.