Someday, I'll Find My Way Home

Karl dreads Valentine's day.

The only thing that I was anticipating was the next day after Valentine's, just because Up Dharma Down will be playing. Whether I was alone or not for that, I would be there in the front and singing along with them. So, I started listening to Bipolar and Capacities yesterday and today to be prepared for their set list.

I didn't think of the fact that I was going to aid Axel for his moves on Paula, or that Marc would anticipate me to be his date later.

Thinking about both of those would make me puke. Last night's Feb Fair was really fun. I knew this day wouldn't be. So this is the way of balancing the universe. I couldn't always be happy.

What's more was our professor made us wear color-coding clothes for our exam. I wore a blue statement shirt (that says I'M A NOOB) for singles (or, as I liked to interpret it, study-first individuals). My friends all wore orange, which is for MU (Mutual Understanding). I wouldn't have done this for the extra credits for this class (which I needed to increase my chances of getting a flat 1.00).

I wasn't answering Marc's texts either, which was eating me up inside because I couldn't stand not replying to people. As much as possible, I didn't want to have a date with him. I would rather watch Spongecola by myself than pushing myself with a person I don't like at all.

But, I made a promise...

I texted Marc: Alright, I'll go with you tonight with one condition: please no more of this dates and romantic innuendos.

After I hit Send, he replied a few seconds after.

Alright, sure

But I'm not giving up on you yet

I didn't reply after that and focused on reviewing for my exam, which was surprisingly easier than I expected. I was finished thirty minutes in, but being a constant overthinker, I rechecked my answers for the rest of the time.

My friends had already left while I kept on ensuring that my answers were correct. I went out when there was 5 minutes left, and only five of us were the ones left. I didn't want to be the last one.

When I got out, I checked my messages. Axel texted me this: Can you pick up the flowers at our org booth?

Yeah sure, what time

Around 10PM? Maybe Spongecola will play at that time

I doubt that

Plus maybe I couldn't find you

We'll figure it out later

Ok

The sun was already setting at that time. I peered to the balcony overlooking the Palma Bridge and I saw the surge of students, families, and individuals walking towards the fair. I peered and saw some of my blocmates going towards the fair (well, because they were all single). I wondered how my friends were doing...

And that my best friend that I was developing feelings of was on a date with one of my trusted friends in the world.

I didn't like the train of thought that I was in, so I changed it to something hopeful. But at that time, I couldn't think of anything that would push Axel out of my mind. All I could remember was how his face looked when he was sleeping, or how he smiled in front of a camera, and even that silly photo of us in his desktop wallpaper.

Today was not about me--it was about him and Paula's love story. I shouldn't push myself in and let myself dwell peacefully. Maybe at some point in time, I could forget these and see him like how he sees me.