Someday, I'll Find My Way Home

Karl avoids controversy.

"What's wrong?" Marc asked me after seeing my flustered face.

I dismissed the topic and said to him, "Can you get me one drink, please?"

"What drink?"

"A hard one."

He reached out for the bucket and fished out the Red Horse. "You sure?"

I nodded. I brought down the glass and snatched the beer as soon as it was opened. I gulped a quarter of the drink, because maybe this would remove anything that I just felt upon seeing him. It was bitter like my soul who never rests whenever he's around.

I almost threw up after that. Marc held my body from falling. He gave me my Sprite glass and I immediately gulped all of it, just to forget that lingering taste in my mouth.

"Is this your first time drinking?" Marc asked.

I nodded. I gagged, and he offered me water instead.

"You shouldn't force yourself like that next time." His voice was full of worry. "Take a sip, little by little, until you get used to it."

Ah, what a sound advice.

We continued to sing along with some of our blocmates (who waited for their turn in the karaoke). Marc and I chatted with our blocmates, while most of Paula's batchmates were outside.

I followed Marc's advice, but we switched glasses--I had the mixed drink now, which tasted like pineapple with a bitter aftertaste. We even bought quail eggs and roasted peanuts from the elderly woman (who seemed really sweet).

I tried so hard not to look at them, happy together, pushing the fact that my own best friend had forgotten all about me because he had set his eyes on a girl. Friendship, my ass. And why would I even think that he would pick me over Paula?

Marc was becoming clingier and clingier after every song. Now, his head was on my shoulders, his hand down on my waist. If my head wasn't spinning, I would've swatted those away. But I let myself drown more to this alcohol.

"Karl..." he whispered.

"Hm?"

"What if I tell you that I knew someone who likes you?"

I chuckled. "That's impossible."

"But I know someone."

"I guess that person is making a huge mistake," I said. "Why me? I'm not attractive. The only good thing about me was I'm good at studying. That isn't sexy."

"I think it is."

"You're joking."

"I'm not."

I could feel his lips on my ear. I started to move an inch away from him. Something about this does not feel right at all.

Everyone around us had their own worlds that I couldn't fit in. Paula was with Axel. Candace and Marvin on their org. 

Where do I really fit in? Where do I belong?

I fixated my sight on the floor. I wanted to leave, as soon as I could. But I couldn't. I wished Axel was with me, bringing me out of this hell. But he was busy. I would never be his priority. 

I heard a loud cough in front of me. I looked up to see Paula, her arms crossed and her eyebrow raised on Marc.

She said, with all her hostile tone, "What are you doing to him?" 

"Nothing."

"Let go of him."

"Why?"

"Or else I'd kick you in the balls."