Someday, I'll Find My Way Home

Karl keeps it to himself.

Axel insisted that he would walk me to my apartment, so I let him be. We didn't talk and we let our footsteps, the trees, and the wind to occupy the silence between us. I threw the paper bag with our trash inside en route.

The campus was almost empty, except for the couples who were holding hands around, and orgmates who were trashed. I tried my best not to look at any of them.

We stopped in front of the street on way to my apartment.

I didn't want this day to end yet. 

"Hey, Karl."

"Hm?"

"Thanks for tonight."

"Yeah. Thanks too," I replied. "I'll give back the jacket next week."

"No, you should keep it."

"No way. This looks expensive as hell," I defended. "I couldn't afford this."

"I meant I'm giving you that as a gift."

"I'm returning this to you next week."

"I would be mad if you did that."

"Ugh. Fine."

He smiled and patted my head. "Good night, Karl."

"Good night, Axel."

As he waved his hand and walked away, a small teardrop formed at the corner of my eyes. My feet were trembling. I didn't want him to go away yet. I didn't want this to end. I wanted to keep him longer, but I shouldn't. People like me didn't deserve to be greedy.

I covered my mouth as I fell to my feet and I covered my head with my knees. My voice broke down as soon as my tears started raging. I didn't want to scream because I was afraid that the first word I would utter was his name. I hugged myself tightly and convinced myself that everything would be alright. Again and again.

I hated to admit to myself the truth--I was not the person I thought I was before. It pains me to see him with other people because I was insecure that he was happier with them than me. And I knew that his life was changing more than mine, and we were starting to grow apart. 

I wanted everything to stay the same.

But the world needed to move on.