Someday, I'll Find My Way Home

Axel accepts the advice.

As soon as we arrived on my room, Paula removed her sandals and jumped on the bed, then fished her phone and started chatting. I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth, and changed into something comfortable.

She leaned her back on the bedrest, her body on the edge of the bed. I took the other side and put a bunch of pillows in our middle.

I closed the lights and lay down.

"Axel?" I heard Paula whisper.

"Yes?"

"Thank you for staying in my life."

My lips formed a smile. "You too. Thanks for staying."

"Good night, dipshit."

She pulled the blanket over our heads, and then the next thing I knew, she was already snoring.

I reached for my phone on the bed rest and scrolled on my timeline. I saw the past pictures that I posted on my wall back when it was a thing. The five of us were complete in most pictures. We were all smiling, and our bodies were a few pounds lighter. 

I was always the one who boasted my friends proudly--I kept on tagging Karl, Candace, and Marvin whenever they topped our major examinations. We took a snap of our car trips around CALABARZON. Food pictures. Karaoke sessions. Reviewing times.

Then, slowly, Karl faded away on the pictures. Suddenly, it was filled with more organization pictures, then the four of us on roadtrips. I didn't know what happened back then.

I figured at that time, Karl had lost his time struggling his work and running as the class valedictorian for our batch that he needed more time studying.

I pulled our picture near my heart.

I miss him. I miss laughing my heart out with him. I miss being honest with my thoughts, and he was next to me listening to my mundane stories. I miss hugging him. I miss his lips and his very essence. I miss having him as my best friend.

But I knew for a fact that we were never the same as before.

My confusion grew more and more.

What is he in my life?

Who am I to begin with?

Do I really know myself?

Do I have romantic feelings for him, or is it just longing for the friendship that was lost over the years?

Paula's voice rang in my mind--I needed to move on, whether I liked it or not. I needed to grow up. The world wouldn't adjust in my stead.

I typed a message to his old number.

Hey, Karl.

You're right.

I'm moving on from my life. 

Whether we'd be friends or not, I'm not sure. 

Thank you for the memories.

After that, I composed a message on our chat in Facebook.

Hey, Karl. Wanna grab some coffee together? Promise, this would be the last time I'd bother you :)

Sent.