Someday, I'll Find My Way Home

Axel is cursed on romance.

A huge part of me wanted to go home and watch a new series instead of waiting in Tim Horton's, drinking my favorite drink of theirs--Iced Coffee, for a date that might never come. 

At the same time, I didn't want Paula's voice to infiltrate my brain for a long time, because I could still hear her say to me the night after I went to see Karl, "Date if you must, try to fill that void inside you, but no one will be able to fix that but yourself."

 "But you'll still help me, right?"

She sighed. "I don't have a choice. C'mon, let's set you up a Bumble profile."

We did, after we agreed on a few rules:

1. I do the talking, but she will filter the one who I would eventually meet;

2. No sending of dick pics;

3. No hookups;

4. If the conversation normally dies, next;

5. Use her Conversation Starter Kit;

6. No telling of my personal baggage yet;

And her golden rule was: "If you can't see that you would bring her to the wedding, then don't date her!"

After a week of successfully talking to four women, only one had passed Paula's test. We exchanged IDs in Telegram and started talking there. Paula approved.

As I was waiting for her at Tim Hortons, I reviewed the things I should know about her. Her name's Solar--twenty-three, working in Finance in a company along Chino Roces. She loves Paramore, and has an obsession to the color violet. Her last relationship was a year ago, ending a six-year relationship with her scumbag ex-boyfriend who cheated on her. Then, she met with three other people from the last six months, and nobody had stayed.

 I sighed after emptying my cup of coffee. After five years and a lot of failed attempts at dating, here I was, I hadn't learn a single thing.

My last attempt on dating was a year and a half before, when a woman on Human Resources asked me out on a date. I knew it was bold of her, so I agreed. Then, I took her to places--the Intramuros on the morning, a lunch date at Luneta Park, BGC for the street art, and the Mercato to eat and drink. The next day, I found out that she still had a boyfriend at that time and he came raging after work, which caused a ruckus in the middle of the busy crowd in Makati. They got back together, which was weird because... why would you go back to someone who just cheated on you?

I wasn't the one to judge. But I never got any remorse after they got back. Instead, I got relief--my life wouldn't be messed up with theirs ever again. The tension between the HR girl and I were awkward, but that was tolerable since we didn't meet each other often. 

Then the one before her was weirder. We met on a bar to help Paula grieve after she dumped her ex-boyfriend after she found out that he was smoking--that was definitely a no-no for her, since her father died of lung cancer. That night was solely for having fun.

And that meant to meet girls back then. This girl and I started dancing, then I went to buy drinks for her, and things went to a simple kiss down to the neck in the back my car. She was the center of attraction to her friends, and she told me her stories in college and work. So it was probably a reasonable decision that we exchange numbers.

After talking to her for two weeks, we agreed on having a date in a bar. Sooner or later, she forgot that I was with her, and she started clinging to other men. And that was a first date! I left as soon as I got the idea that she wasn't interested in me.

I realized, at that time, that I was cursed when it came to romantic relationships--for real, this time. It wasn't my issue about commitment anymore--I attract women that weren't compatible with me. I hadn't even celebrated an anniversary with someone. Only one was close enough, but we ended our run after our 11th month.