Someday, I'll Find My Way Home

Karl tries to be occupied.

The next few days were silent at most times, but the noisiest on peak periods. I applied for a tutor and I had begun this week for training, then after a month I would be working full-time teaching MATH 11 or 17 to freshmen. After my first session with someone from my batch who failed twice in MATH 11, I was feeling ecstatic--the thought that I was doing good for someone made me feel good for myself as well.

I also started being a Student Assistant to Sir Gabe who handles the introductory course for freshmen. My job on that one is to record attendance and help him in checking quizzes (he always has a quiz every meeting). The application process was horrendous at first, because I also have to submit a formal application to the university, attend orientations, submit reports... but then again, this was a legitimate job, something I would add in my future resume.

And then there was the silence again.

I tried to pinpoint the main reason why I couldn't process things the normal way I did last year. I was eating most of my breakfasts alone. Then, I would go to my classes normally, reading my notes every time before the classes start at the corner where no one would bother me. In the middle during my break, take a lunch on a cheap carinderia. Or not eat at all. Go to the library for the cool air.

My phone was silent most of the time. I mostly used it to listen to music, nothing more, nothing less. I didn't want to read at past conversations with my friends, asking me for lunch, inviting me to games, and just be together. 

I reminded myself that I chose this path. I have a dream. If this is what it takes for me to achieve it, then I needed to sacrifice some things, even if it would slowly break me.

Silence was deafening, so I chose to block it with my earphones and let the rhythm envelop my surroundings. I turned up the volume so I wouldn't hear anyone. The humans around me will become background characters, blending with the background, and I wouldn't care at all. 

My new life sucked.

Just when I wanted to turn off to the world, I heard his voice.

I was walking back to my apartment from the library to Ilag's Compound when someone was calling me--no, shouting my name. I turned around when other people were looking because there might be something wrong that I didn't notice because of my loud music.

In the back of my head, I was expecting Axel, rushing just to see me again, in his classic white polo, shorts, and sneakers, looking at me directly as if we were in a movie. Then being an idiot, I would also run to him, and we would hug in the middle of the crowd, absolutely not caring about anyone because he was the world to me.

I just wanted to see his face, his smile... him. 

But instead I met Marc, one of my blocmates. That realization torn me apart because the things I was imagining would never happen to me, of all people. Axel was not the type of guy who would do that.

Of all my blocmates that I usually interact in a normal basis, Marc was the one I connect to the most. Not only was he wearning his old high school t-shirts as well, but also he was always waiting for the right time to pull out the punchline. He always cracked me up, especially last semester when we were classmates in a laboratory class. I always liked him because he was normal, so to say. Just another type like me who would blend in the crowd because we're unnoticeable.

I couldn't see well under the street light as he was walking down from the library and I was in front of the Humanities building. He ran towards me. I removed my earphones from my ear and kept it inside my bag. I had to give him water when he was running out of breath after he arrived.

"Thanks," he said. He gulped my remaining water.

"Why are you screaming?"

"You couldn't hear me when I was calling you as you go out the library," he answered.