Someday, I'll Find My Way Home

Karl is robbed.

I almost dropped the glass when I heard his serious, deep voice. I dried my hands using the end of my shirt and tried to untangle his fingers on my waist, but it went tighter until all I could do was to let myself be trapped.

"What do you want, Axel?" I asked. 

We didn't move an inch.

"You."

I gasped in disbelief. "M-Me?"

"I hate not talking to you."

"You're not making sense." Especially to the fact that he could now form sentences instead of cat sound.

He inclined his head near mine. "I'm more sad to the fact that I hurt you because of my selfishness than what happened between Paula and I."

I pushed his head away.

"I'm sorry."

How could I resist him?

"Please forgive me."

How could I pull away from his magnetic force?

"Don't leave me again, please."

How could I not stay in love with him?

He turned my whole body, and I held to the counter as he bent his body forward. I swayed him away before he could even fall at me. He held both of my arms as his eyes would melt me in every second that he looked on me.

"Karl..."

I raised both of my hands and held his chest, pushing him a little. "Alright, fine. Can you let me go, please?"

"No. Never."

"Axel, I--"

Before I could even speak, he pressed his lips against mine.

And there was silence, like the calm before the storm or the silence before a firework explodes. It was never like I imagined--his lips tasted liquor but never the strong one. He went deeper and deeper until I let go of every doubt and every hurt that I held on for the past days. I closed my eyes and let the fireworks explode.

His hands ran through my face, as if I was delicate and never meant to be broken. He pressed his body against mine. I crumpled my hands on his polo, debating whether I should push him or pull him. Every second counted--it was a make or break situation. 

Either way, I lost to this game when I fell for him. I lost the ability to think objectively about him. I even lost my first kiss to him--to a guy and my best friend, of all people. 

He pulled away for a second, and everything registered again for me.

I put down his hand that was on my face. I laced it together with his fingers.

"Axel, what are we? I don't understand. I'm confused on--"

He leaned again, but this time I was quick to dodge. He rested his chin on my collar instead, and wrapped his hands around me once again.

Can he feel my heartbeat?

We didn't speak for a few seconds.

Was this the right time to tell him about how I feel?

"Axel, I have something to say..."

My voice faltered. I couldn't tell him. No. I didn't have the guts to do so. I chose the break situation--break away from him before I could even get hurt badly. Save myself from the hurt, at least for this time.

I shook my head. "Who am I kidding? I can't. I just can't."

He didn't respond until I hear a light snore from him.

Maybe I could tell my feelings to him at the right time.

But when will it come? The next day? Week? Or even years? Can I really bottle up my feelings for him that long?

I gently carried him on his bed. Extra challenge to make him lie down and take his arms off me. It wasn't successful. I ended up lying down next to him, even though my whole weight was on his wrist, he didn't mind.

Taylor Swift was still playing on his apartment room. I would just let my phone die than skip this moment.

I brushed my fingers on his hair gently, like how my mom used to do when I was a child. I started singing along with the chorus of Taylor Swift's Last Kiss, from the Speak Now album. 

My fingers ran from his temple, down to his nose, and finally his lips.

I put my head next to him, hearing how he breathed softly with a light snore. The tip of our noses touched. I didn't want to take advantage of him being drunk and vulnerable, although I wanted to feel his lips again and again. 

But I knew it was wrong for him. 

I lulled myself to sleep. Rest now, heart. You've done enough for today.