Someday, I'll Find My Way Home

Karl sings Happy Birthday!

Up Dharma Down finished their set at 1AM, and the crowd around us dissipated. Not for us, though. We bought another large mango drink and fries, and we ate those on the way home. The lights around the fair was still vibrant, but some stores had already closed up.

I still hadn't greeted him yet. 

The campus was silent as well. I tugged my shirt when the cold breeze went in the sleeves of my shirt. And I was drinking a cold drink. Only a few people, usually they were in organization shirts, were coming back to the fair.

I didn't expect him to walk with me until we arrived at our apartment.

He was looking at me, and I raised my eyebrow.

"What?"

"What?" he repeated.

"Don't you need to go home?"

"It's too far. Raymundo gate's already closed," he complained. "Let me sleep here."

I sighed. My heart was too weak tonight. Honestly, I wanted to rest and let my mind play the flashback that happened earlier. I told him, "Fine."

As soon as we went in my apartment, I walked straight to my room and opened the lights there. Axel sat on my bed. Why was he still smiling?

"You're going to sleep on Marvin's bed," I commanded him. "Go up."

He groaned. "No. Let me sleep next to you."

I would die if that happened. "No."

"Fine."

He went up and landed on the bed, face down. I grabbed my towel and some fresh sleeping clothes. I closed the lights before I went to the sink.

I washed my face multiple times. I couldn't be feeling this way. But I couldn't ignore the fact that the more I push this away, the more it would grow in me. This feeling sucked, big time. I knew he wouldn't like me the way I do. He was straight, I was still confused. He was flirting with Paula, I was her friend.

Before I could even think deeper and drown myself with water, I changed my clothes. I saw a stack of cupcakes on our food stash, and one of my roommate's birthday candle.

I heaved a heavy sigh. I was a prisoner of my own heart.

"Axel, are you still awake?" I said loudly.

"Yeah, why?"

I opened one of the cupcakes and put the lit candle in the middle. I walked slowly inside my room as I sang Happy Birthday before my voice was breaking. 

I saw him stood up with the ample light from the candle, and he immediately jumped from the top bunk. He stood in front of me with his hands covering his eyes. I laughed while singing and nudged his stomach.

"So?" I said after singing. "Did I surprise you?"

He cursed at me. "Yes, you did. Fuck you."

"Aw, thanks," I replied. I smiled at him and said, "Happy birthday, Axel."

He blew the candle, and pulled me in a tight hug.

The cupcake got smooshed in between us. My heart was as loud as the crowd from the fair earlier. My hands were in his chest while he buried his face on my shoulders. His voice broke, and soon enough, tears started to fall on my clothes, as he pulled me tighter.

"Thank you, Karl," he whispered.

I couldn't speak. I couldn't find the right words. I wanted to wrap my hands around him too, but my hands were trembling. If I did, would he find out? Would he still consider me as his best friend?