In This Life (Sequel to 'In Another Life')

6

"T, you said- "He broke off, taking a deep breath, like he was preparing himself for more emotional pain. My heart was breaking, just watching him." You said you loved him. I need to know T. I know this may not be the right time but I need to know. He loves you. I thought maybe he was just messing with you at first, because I didn't understand how he could just leave you like that, mutual or not. But I was wrong. He truly loves you. I need to know if you still love him, like that. As more than a friend." I was in shock. I don't think I could've moved, even if my body was working correctly. I didn't know what to say. I remembered hearing Colby's voice, telling me that he loved me. I remembered that bringing me out of the darkness, just a little...and then it hit me. I had come too, long enough to tell him that I loved him too. Only, I didn't, because he wasn't really there. Justin had stuck by me, this entire time, knowing that I had said that I loved Colby. I truly didn't deserve him, after everything. I know that most people might blame him for the accident, but I didn't. I knew what it was to lose control of yourself, to not know how to deal with an intense emotional reaction. It can make us do things that we wouldn't normally do, when we're in our right minds. My heart shattered as I watched his face. He knew. I could see it in his eyes. "It's okay Terra. You don't have to answer me right now. I'm here for you and I love you. I think I'm going to go home for a little while and sleep. I have to go meet a new charge in a few hours. Try to get him set up at a shelter. Ms. Mary said that she'd meet us tonight, at the shelter, to go over things." I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I kept them locked on his sad green ones. I bit my lip, trying to distract myself so that they wouldn't spill over. "Don't cry T," he said, smiling sadly, then leaning over to press his lips against my forehead. "It's all going to work out. Don't stress yourself. I'll see you tomorrow." He stood up, grabbed the teddy bear that he had brought and lay it beside me. "He can keep you company when no one else is around. I love you T." With that, he turned and walked out of the room. I felt like I had lost him forever. The one who had always been there for me. The one who had dragged me back from the very pits of Hell, and helped me start my life on the right track. I didn't know how to react. I didn't know what to do. When Denise and Colby walked back in, I looked up at them, and couldn't hold the tears back. The sobs wracked my body, and all I could do was lie there, while they did. "Oh honey, what is it? What's wrong?" Neece asked, rushing over to my bedside. Colby was right behind her, going to the other side of my bed. Denise used the little bar that was connected to my bed to raise me into a sitting position. I couldn't answer her, as the sobs kept wracking my weak body. I could feel every one of the violent sobs making my tired muscles heave, causing me pain that I couldn't stop. "T, what is it baby girl? What did Justin do? I'll kick his ass right now," Colby said, lifting his eyes from me to glare at the door Justin had previously vacated. "N-n-no," I managed to hiccup out, shaking my head weakly. Hearing him call me baby girl only intensified my crying. I couldn't keep denying it to myself. I was still in love with Colby. Always had been. Even when I was fighting against it so hard, and trying to keep my love for Justin greater than my love for Colby, I knew it. I just couldn't admit it. I couldn't imagine my life without Justin. He had been my best friend and lover for the past few years. I didn't know what to do. My head and my heart was so conflicted and confused. I looked up and met Colby's gaze. His worried blue eyes softened, and he sat down next to me, and pulled me into his arms. I couldn't hug him because my stupid body wouldn't allow me too. Instead, I let him hold me against himself, as I buried my head in his chest, and sobbed. "Terra, baby, you've got to tell me what's wrong. I'm getting worried. Are you in pain? Do I need to call the nurse or the doctor?" I shook my head, moving it back and forth against his soft black shirt, and tried to get control of myself. My body did hurt, from the sobs and even from Colby pulling me up against him but I didn't care. My heart hurt so much worse. It felt like, when I admitted to myself that I loved Colby, I lost a part of myself. I lost the part that had held on to Justin so fiercely. I didn't know how to accept that. I didn't know if I was ready to admit it to Colby just yet...but I would have to tell Justin. There was no way that I could allow the hospital to send me home, with him, and have him take care of me, knowing that I loved Colby. It didn't mean that I didn't love Justin, because I did. Fiercely...but it wasn't enough. It didn't even come close to how I loved Colby. I think that I had always known that. I just believed that I only got one true love so that was it for me. I felt safe with Justin and I knew that he would always be here for me. He protected me and taught me how to be strong on my own again. Only I wasn't on my own. I had him. I had always had him. I caught Denise's eyes as I sobbed into Colby's shirt. I could tell by the look on her face that she knew. She understood. She stood up, and got me a cold, damp rag for Colby to wipe my face. "Here, this will help. I'm going to go downstairs and try to get some jello and a soda maybe. Something that will help you feel a little more normal."