In This Life (Sequel to 'In Another Life')

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"Well, I was wondering if you had seen or talked to Amber this past week. Um, she said that she was admitting herself to the clinic for a couple of days and that she had seen you." The conversation felt forced and uncomfortable. Like we were strangers instead of ex lovers. "Yeah, she was here for about two days. We talked a little. She said that her roommate had some coke, and she ended up doing a few lines. When she left, she said she felt like she was stronger and able to deal with it. Since she admitted herself, and we are just a clinic, she was free to go. Haven't heard from her since." I sighed heavily, leaning back against the wall. "Damn it," I muttered. "Why?" Justin asked. "Is everything okay?" "I don't know," I answered, running my hand through my hair. "She won't hit me back. I don't know where she is, if she's okay, if she's using again, or what the fuck is going on. It's driving me crazy." "Well," he said, drawing the word out. "Have you tried looking for her at her apartment? I'm sure her roommate would have better knowledge of it than you do." I let out a short bark of laughter. "I can't! I don't even know where she lives. I haven't been a very good friend lately...or ever for that matter." I stood up straight, startling Colby, who was standing in front of me, swiping through his phone. "J, doesn't the clinic keep the patients info on file? Like the personal info? Can you give me her address?" "Terra, you can't ask me to do that. You know that we aren't supposed to give out that information, unless the patient is a minor and even then, only to a legal guardian. I would lose my job if anyone found out. I'm sorry." He sounded sorry, but that wasn't helping me any at all. I sighed again, defeated and out of options. I would have to wait on her to contact me, if she ever did. "I know. I'm sorry I asked. I'm just so frustrated with this and I'm really worried about her," I said, picking at a loose thread on Colby's hoodie that I was wearing. "How about this? How about I go by and check on her personally. Then I'll report back to you. At least you'll have peace of mind or..." He trailed off, and I was thankful that he did. If he didn't bring me back news that she was okay...I didn't want to even think about it. "Would you? Thank you so much J. I can never repay you for this. You're a...really good friend." He chuckled sadly. "Ouch. You don't have to pay me back T. You've been through enough and I guess we're still really good friends." I smiled sadly, and bit my lip, remembering when we had been really good friends. "I'll let you know what I find out. See you around T." "See you J," I replied, then brought my phone down, again feeling defeated. I just seemed to hurt everyone eventually. I sat down slowly on the couch, and buried my head in my hands. I felt Colby sit next to me, a moment later. "Baby girl, what's wrong? Did Justin say something to upset you? I knew I should've beat his ass when I had the opportunity." I jerked my head up, surprised at the venom that I heard in his voice. "What? No, Colby. Justin didn't do anything! He was actually very nice. I'm just worried about Amber, that's all. I'm sorry I made you think that. It seems like I just keep fucking up lately." I regretted those words as soon as they left my mouth. I hated to seem weak, or let my selfish insecurities shine through, especially around him. I was so terrified that he would figure out what a total fucking mess I was, without the drug addiction added to it, that he would eventually leave. Even though I knew he loved me, I didn't understand why, so it made no sense to me. It had never made sense to me. Not even from the beginning. "You haven't done anything wrong Terra, will you stop that?! Actually, because you're starting to piss me off." "Sorry," I replied softly. He rolled his eyes, and sighed, before wrapping me in his arms. "If you tell me you're sorry one more fucking time, I'm literally going to go beat his ass just for a way to release my anger." "But it's not-" He cut me off. "His fault. Right. I know. He's such a great fucking guy." I didn't reply because I didn't know what to say. Justin was a great guy, but he didn't have my heart. Colby pulled back from me, and looked into my eyes. "Do you love me?" he asked. My eyes widened at his question. "How could you ask me that? You know I do!" He nodded, and rubbed his chin. "Okay, do you love Justin?" "No," I answered automatically. He just turned his head to the side a little and raised his eyebrows. "Yes," I breathed out. "But, not like this. Not like you. Just as someone that used to be in my life. A memory of something that once was." "Do you believe that I love you?" My own brow furrowed in confusion. "Yes?" It sounded more like a question than and answer. "Do you or not?" he asked again. "Yes." I answered, making sure that it sounded convincing. He just stared at me for a moment, then shook his head slightly, and laughed a little sadly. My phone rang then, and I snatched it up after seeing Justin's number. Before I answered it, I gave Colby an apologetic look. I could tell that he was gritting his teeth after I did. "Do not apologize. We can talk later. Check on your friend." "J?" I said anxiously, answering the phone. "Hey T. So, I'm at Amber's but she's not here. Her roommate said that she left like ten minutes ago, on a PostMates run. I called her, and she sounded fine.