In This Life (Sequel to 'In Another Life')

60

I texted her back and told her to text me whenever she wanted and that I loved her. "I guess that's all I can do for now," I said quietly. "It's not your fault T. You have to know that. Whatever happens with her, she made that choice. Just like you did," Colby replied. I shook my head in disagreement. "No, it's not that simple Colby. I had help. I had someone literally force me out of that world. I had my friends eventually...and I had Justin." He cleared his throat, looked back towards the TV and nodded. "I'm sorry. I know you don't like to hear that, but it's true. That's what I mean though. It's not my fault, just like it's not your fault for what happened to me, yet you still blame yourself," I replied, leaning into him. I hated that he blamed himself for that but I didn't know how to make him let it go. Honestly, I held onto the guilt for allowing it to be his problem. I reached across his waist and laced my fingers through his. "I really wish that you would understand that it wasn't your fault. It was my own stupid choices that put me in that position. My own emotions that I let control me. My weaknesses. I was already an addict when you met me." He sighed heavily and dragged his hand back and forth through his hair, mussing it. "I know T. I know that...but if I hadn't left. If I had tried to work out a way for us to be together, you wouldn't have felt the need to go back to your old life. You've wouldn't have been so emotional. If I had just-" "Colby, stop. Please. If it wasn't that, then it would've been something else, okay? I was already itching for that lifestyle again. If it hadn't been us breaking up, then I would have found another excuse to use. Trust me." I saw him open his mouth to respond and I already knew what he was going to say. "Don't." I said, putting my finger on his lips again. "The accident was not your fault. We don't know what would've happened if we had stayed together. For whatever reason, we just weren't meant to be at that point in time. If we had been, then we could've be in an accident together. Something worse could've happened. You might not be here right now, or maybe I wouldn't be here. Stop worrying about the what ifs with this. It's just going to stress you out because there isn't anything we can do to change it. It's over, but we managed to find our way back to each other. That's what matters, right?" I moved my finger away from his lips and met his gaze, begging him to understand. He stared back at me for a moment, his blue eyes burning into mine, that damn stare that would make my stomach feel funny, and my knees weak. Even with a serious, very serious conversation going, he still managed to make me want him. "Okay. You're right. We have each other now, and we're both healthy...well, relatively," he replied with a smile. I smacked his leg and shook my head. We went back to watching TV, YouTube now, a random Mr. Beast video. Colby started absentmindedly playing with my hair while we were sitting there, and it put me totally at ease. By the time the others came back inside, I in that in between state of awake and asleep, where you can still hear everyone, but it's like a dream. "I love you Terra. More than you will ever know," I heard Colby's voice from far away, yet he was right beside me. I tried to answer him, to let him know that I loved him too, but I was too far gone. As I slipped off into my dream world, I felt his lips press against my forehead. The next week dragged by for me. I tried to text Amber, to direct message her on Instagram, and when neither of those things worked, I called Justin. "Did you really have to call him?" Colby asked, as I held the phone to my ear. He had a free week, so he had been over every day, and even stayed the night a couple of times. Honestly, it was getting a little annoying having him and Denise on my ass, making sure that I was okay, ALL THE TIME. Even Sarah and Kenzie, when they weren't off with Brennen or Kevin. It seemed like Kenzie was getting along really well with Kevin, and I couldn't help but smile when I saw them together. The huge smile that would spread across Kevin's face when he saw her melted my heart. With Elias and Denise, I could see that they were falling in love, even if they couldn't. The way they would watch each other cross the room, with that adoring look in their eyes, and the way they would find any excuse to touch each other, just a gentle brushing of the hand as they walked by one another, or were standing close together. "Yes Colby, I did have to call him. I haven't talked to him in ages, and we did say we would still be friends, but we've  both just let the conversation die out. I couldn't just text him when I haven't spoken to him in this long. It just seems...more important to do it this way." Colby rolled his eyes, and I could tell he was a little jealous, so I leaned up and pressed my lips to his quickly. "I love you," I said, just as Justin answered the phone. "Terra?" "Hey J, yeah, it's me. How are you?" I asked, trying to get the niceties out of the way. "I'm doing okay...it was hard for a little while, but I'm doing okay now. How are you? Are you and Colby still...?" I closed my eyes for a second. I didn't hear any hurt in his voice, but I also knew that he could cover his emotions very well. His question only brought back the memory of how I had hurt him. "Yeah. Colby and I are good. We're happy." "That's good. Real good. So what's up?" Okay, straight to the point.