In This Life (Sequel to 'In Another Life')

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 I held my eyes open wide, probably looking like a crazy person, while I tried to not cry. The Preacher continued talking. "We're just giving her back God. Her best friend, another one of our own, will share a side of this young lady who lost her life far too soon. Terra?" He motioned to me, and I froze. I didn't want to go up there. I didn't want to speak about my complicated ass friendship with Amber in front of all of these people that barely knew her. "Terra," Colby whispered, gripping my hand. I turned to look at him, but it felt like my body was on autopilot. "I can't do this," I whispered. "That's okay. You don't have too, if you don't want too. But will you regret not doing it?" Shit. I hated it when he did this to me, but he was right. I would regret not getting up to speak, when I knew that Mrs. Gail really wanted me too. There was no one else to do this for her, or for Amber. "Okay, I'm going," I breathed out. "That's my girl," he said, then pressed a quick kiss to my lips, and let my hand go. I stood up, and walked slowly to the podium, keeping my eyes on the Brother Ledford, our Preacher. I could feel everyone's eyes on me, and it was freaking me out. I can't do this. I just can't. I turned at the last minute and started to go back to my seat, but I caught my Mother's eyes again. Her eyes were glassy with tears, her makeup smeared, and her perfectly styled hair was sticking our in places from the humidity. She gave me a slight smile and nodded. I don't know why this gave me a surge of confidence but it did. I guess maybe because she wasn't stressing about how she was presenting her self to others, like she usually did. If she could do that, when her presentation was one of the most important things to her, then I could do this for Amber and Mrs. Gail. The building was quiet, deathly quiet one might say, as I turned back to Brother Ledford. "Terra?" he asked, raising his eyebrows and stepping back from the podium. I nodded, and took his place. I took a deep breath, then looked out to the crowd, scanning the pews for the faces that I knew. Neighbors from my childhood neighborhood, faces that were familiar but I didn't really know, Janice from the local supermarket, Glenn, our local pharmacist. These faces that I had grown up knowing, but they didn't really know anything about me, nor I about them. It was strange really, the way you could know someone so well, but all it took was maybe a year for them to be basically a stranger to you. My mother and father were watching me, something like pride in their eyes, and that confused me, but I let it go. JJ and Levi were sitting a few rows back from where I had been sitting. They grinned, and gave me a thumbs up, like it was some sort of competition and they were wishing me luck. Mrs. Gail smiled at me, through her tears, and wiped her eyes. Colby grinned his big beautiful smile that made my heart speed up. "You got this," he whispered. I could almost swear that I could hear his words in my ear and wasn't just reading his lips. "I've got this," I whispered to myself. I wiped my sweaty palms on my dress, and stood straight, taking the stance that I had been taught showed empowerment and confidence. "Most, if not all, of you knew Amber. Whether it was from her picking up her Grandmother's medicine at the pharmacy, buying groceries, seeing her at the little theater we have here, or just walking around her neighborhood and feeding the ducks at the pond. Maybe some of you knew her other side as well." I took a deep breath and pushed forwards, letting the words come to me naturally without thinking. "She was an addict. Maybe you only saw that side of her. The side that sometimes stole to feed her habit, the side that only thought about her next high, and was willing to do almost anything to get it. Yes, Amber was an addict, but that didn't define her. She was a granddaughter, a friend, a lover, and a recovering addict. You see, when you say the word addict, people tend to automatically think the worst of you. I know why you would but Amber, wasn't her addiction. She was her recovery. She was-" My voice broke, and I let out a small sob. I took a minute to regain my control then continued. "She was a sister to me, a best friend. We didn't always get along, but I loved her. I loved her so much, and I'm not sure she knew that. You see, I'm also a recovering addict. Sometimes, I wasn't a very good friend. I was selfish, but I loved her so much. She would always give to Larry, the homeless man that was always at the curb store. Even if it was her last dollar, she would give it to him. She took in so many stray cats, do you remember that JJ?" I asked, catching his eye and laughing through the tears. He nodded, and smiled. "I remember when she found this momma cat behind the grocery store. It had six kittens just suckling away. Amber gathered them all up in a blanket and drove them straight to JJ's. She had such a soft spot for animals, or anyone in need. Maybe she made her mistakes, but who among us hasn't? I know I have. Amber deserved better, but this is what she got. I just hope that she knew how much her friends and family loved her. She was always worth so much more than she thought. Rest easy Amber, and tell you Grandpa me and Ma said we love him. I love you so much girl." With that, I turned, keeping my eyes averted from the crowd as the tears fell from my eyes.