In This Life (Sequel to 'In Another Life')

102

I watched as the men lifted and carried the casket in. I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that she was in that box. None of this seemed real. "Do you want us to open it, or just give instructions so that it can be done before people start arriving?" The funeral director asked. "I think you can go ahead and open it. I'd like to see her before people start arriving," Mrs. Gail told him. I vaguely wondered who the hell was going to come? No one in this shit town liked Amber. She was a stain on their otherwise pristine southern legacy. The only friends that she actually had were junkies, including Levi and JJ. Levi...I hadn't spoken to him since Justin had carried me out of that house. I never loved him, but I think he fell for me pretty hard. I couldn't really remember that much about our relationship, except that it was always accompanied by a drug filled haze. "You feeling okay? I told you not to push yourself," Colby scolded me. "I feel fine," I replied, waving him off. "Besides, I barely did anything. YOU wouldn't let me." "That's right," he said. "I can't believe you actually listened to me either." I laughed a little, keeping my eyes on the casket. "I don't want to go back to being able to do nothing. Not when I've come so far." "Good," he answered, wrapping his arms around my waist, and resting his chin on my head. "Do you want to go outside for a little while? Get some fresh air?" I nodded, and dragged my eyes away from the casket. Mrs. Gail probably needed a moment anyway. I let Colby lead me out the front door, and out onto the porch. "It's so peaceful out here," I murmured. "No cars, no pollution, nothing. Just birds, and the wind blowing through the trees." "You think you'll ever move back here?" he asked. I turned to face him and shook my head. "I used to think I would never leave. It's home...but you're not here and I can't go through that again." He hugged me tightly, and we just stood on the porch like that for a while. "Okay, it's fucking hot. I'm done," I said, laughing a little. We walked back inside, just as the Mrs. Gail was signing some papers with the funeral director. "We'll be back to get her the day after tomorrow to take her to the church. As you know, that's the day of the funeral service. We'll send an extra limo for you and whatever family members you would like to ride with you. Everyone else will follow the procession in their own vehicles." Mrs. Gail nodded, and thanked the man, before showing him out. "Would you like to see her?" She asked me softly. Her face was tear streaked again, along with her red eyes. I didn't want too. I really didn't want too. I didn't know if I could handle it, but I didn't want to say no to her. So I nodded. I felt Colby take my hand in his and grip it tightly. I thanked him silently with my eyes, and followed her into the room. The first thing I saw was the casket. It was open, but I averted my eyes, and just looked at the design of the casket itself. It was beautiful, as far as caskets go. The slate gray looked almost silver with the glittery shine it had. A bouquet of flowers, white lilies surrounded by babies breath, was sitting on the bottom half of it. Mrs. Gail held her hand out to me once she was in front of the casket. I took a deep breath and took it, letting her pull me beside her. I gathered all the strength that I had in me, and looked down. She almost looked like she was sleeping. Her brown hair was styled around her shoulders, the makeup they had done on her added color to what I knew would have been a very pale, deathly appearance. Her hands were folded across her stomach, her white gold ring that Mrs. Gail had given her for her 17th birthday on her thumb. I tried to imagine that she was just napping. That none of this had happened, and we were spending the night with her grandma, just having a fun night. I couldn't. It wasn't possible and my heart was breaking again. The tears fell but I didn't make a sound. Both Colby and Mrs. Gail, tightened their grips on my hands, and stayed silent as well. I wiped my face and looked away, towards Mrs. Gail. "If you need me, let me know. You have my number. I still have to see my parents, but I'd like to rest a while before facing them, urgh seeing them," I corrected myself. She knew how my relationship with them was, so she looked at me sympathetically. "It'll be fine. I'm sure they'll be happy to see you." "Yea," I mused, just leaving it at that. Happy wasn't a term I would use, but okay. "I'll see you tomorrow," she said, giving me a tight hug. "I love you Terra. You take care of yourself, okay?" I nodded, and kissed her cheek, feeling the soft, thin skin under my lips. "See you tomorrow," I answered. "Love you always Ma." She smiled at the name that I used to call her when I was younger, and waved us off. I didn't speak on the way back to the motel. There were too many thoughts going through my mind. The funeral would be the day after tomorrow, but the wake was tomorrow. If I didn't go see my parents before then, they would make me regret it for sure. They weren't bad people exactly, just not good parents. They were too wrapped up in their own world to care enough about what their child was doing or going through. I had raised myself, besides having Mrs. Gail. When my parents finally cracked down on me after their home was destroyed after that party, I didn't act up much. It wasn't because of them though. It was because of Denise, the girls, and finding Sam and Colby.