In This Life (Sequel to 'In Another Life')

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I couldn't seem to wrap my head around it, no matter how I thought about it. They followed me inside the house, and I walked straight to my room and closed my door behind me. I didn't want to see them or talk to them right now. I just didn't. I didn't have it in me to pretend like I was okay. I was glad that Colby wasn't here actually. I didn't want him to see me this way. I always tried to be better for him, never wanting to warp his image of me. I sat on my bed, and went to pull out my phone, only it wasn't in my purse. Where the hell was it? I needed it. Did I leave it the car? That's probably what I did. I tried to push the reason why I would've left it in the car from my mind, but it stuck there. An image of Amber's lifeless body had made a home inside my mind and didn't seem like it would be leaving any time soon. I got up and walked out of my room, bypassing the living room where Denise and Justin were whispering. I knew they were talking about me, but I didn't care. "Hey, yo T! Where are you going?" Justin yelled from behind me. Damn it, they had seen me. I stopped and turned to face him. "What?" My voice sounded dead to my own ears. I couldn't seem to bring myself to care. "Where you going?" he asked again, a fake smile on his lips, concern in his eyes. I sighed heavily. "I left my phone in the car. I'm gonna go get it. Or do you and Denise think I can handle that?" I was being a bitch and I knew it. I couldn't seem to stop it. I wanted them to leave me alone. I wasn't worth their friendship. I had felt like this before and I knew exactly what I was doing. I was trying to push them away. "Not gonna work T," Denise said, walking out of the living room and facing me, with her arms crossed. "What are you talking about? I don't want to fucking talk to you guys. Can't you understand that?" "You can't push us away Terra. We're here for you, whether you like it or not," she said. "I don't want you to be here for me! Just leave me alone! Let me fucking be! Someone has been up my ass for the last 3 months. Always fucking checking on me, making sure I felt okay, making sure I was still sober, ALWAYS FUCKING CHECKING! I'M FINE. JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" I yelled at them both, staring at Denise. She just shook her head at me and raised her eyebrows. "No. And I have your phone. You did leave it in the car but I grabbed it." I walked up to her and held my hand out. "Give me my phone please." "No. I'm not giving you the phone so that you can just lie to Colby. He's already called, and I told him everything. He and Sam are already on their way," she said. "Oh my God, why would you do that?! This trip is important to them both! GIVE ME MY PHONE!" "NO!" She yelled back at me. "Fuck this," I said, pushing past her and stalking into the living room. I saw her purse on the coffee table and grabbed it quickly, knowing that she was right behind me. "You're phone isn't in there T. I have it on me," she said, her voice starting to sound annoyed. "Maybe not, but yours is," I said, pulling her phone out and holding it up. I saw Justin standing in the doorway, just watching us, like he was unsure of what to do. Denise tried to snatch the phone from my hand but I jerked back. Pain shot through my wrist, making me hiss. I had forgotten that I had fallen on it. "Give me phone T," Denise said, holding her hand out. "Give me mine Denise," I answered. "You know what? Fine. Do what you want! But when are you going to get it through your thick fucking head that he loves you?! More than a stupid fucking career opportunity. You're so fucking stupid sometimes T. So fucking stupid." She seemed disgusted with me, and I couldn't blame her. I wouldn't want to be my friend either. "Yea I am. Stupid to think that I ever deserved this life. Stupid to think that I pulled myself out of that hole I was in. I didn't. That was Justin. I could've just as easily been in Amber's position! Don't you get that?! SHE HAD ME! AND I FAILED HER! I WON'T DESTROY SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE FOR MY OWN SELFISH FUCKING AGENDA!" The tears started again, falling over my bottom lashes, soaking my cheeks. I didn't bother wiping them. What would be the point? More would just take their place, so I let them fall. Denise looked shocked by my words, and I noticed that Justin did too. They were both speechless for a moment, then Denise shook her head. "You dumb bitch. I don't know how we became friends at all. I didn't think you were this fucking stupid. SHE HAD THE SAME OPTIONS AS YOU, WHY DO YOU REFUSE TO SEE THAT? YOU WERE AN AMAZING FRIEND TO HER AND SHE THREW THAT BACK IN YOUR FACE! THIS ISN'T YOUR FAULT! TAKE YOUR DAMN PHONE." She threw my phone on the couch next to where I was standing. "I can't with you right now. You need to go to bed. You need to do something because I will never agree with you. You will always be worth it to me T, and I will always be in your corner. You can't get rid of me that easily." I grabbed my phone and stalked into the kitchen, away from their listening ears. My nerves were shot, feeling like there was a buzz going throughout my entire body. I wanted to scream, to cry, to do something to release these feelings inside of me. But I knew that wouldn't work. I wanted to be numb. I opened the refrigerator to get a bottle of water. The leftover White Claws that the girls had been drinking last night were on the top shelf. I stared at the cans, my throat feeling parched.