In This Life (Sequel to 'In Another Life')

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A sob escaped my throat before I even knew it was coming, so I quickly brought my hand to my mouth to cover the sound. Colby hooked my arm through his, then did the same to Mrs. Gail. She gave him a grateful, proud smile, though it was a little shaky. He walked us both inside, and followed the deacon's instructions on where to sit. The very front row to the right. That was for close family. It felt weird to me to be considered that, but I shook it off. I guess, in reality, I was the closest person to Amber. My heart ached when I realized we hadn't been close in years. Who did she have after I left? Anyone? Her grandmother, of course, but anyone else? She had JJ but that was never a healthy relationship. Levi too, but they weren't that close. No girlfriends, no one that she could laugh with other stupid celebrities that they were crushing, no one to tell her secrets too, or get advice from. We sat down in the front row, just me, Mrs. Gail, and Colby. No one else. I noticed that way more people than I thought were filing through that front door. To my surprise, the church filled up within minutes, even leaving some standing in the back against the wall. Pride for my small town swelled up inside of me. I hated it here, that was true. But the way this town came together, in a time of need for one of their own, was remarkable. Some light music started, being played on the piano by one of the church members, then the pall bearers walked in from the back area, carrying Amber's coffin. They set it down upon the platform, then took their own seats in the other front row. One stayed, and opened her casket for us to see her one last time. She was still as beautiful as ever, lying there. She looked like Sleeping Beauty, her dark hair a vivid contrast against the white inside of the coffin. The Preacher stepped behind his podium and cleared his throat. I felt numb again, and a hard lump kept coming back in my throat, threatening to choke me if I didn't let my emotions out. He told us that we would begin the service with a couple of songs, then anyone who would like to speak, could come up to the podium. Shit. I had forgotten that I was supposed to do that again, and I still had no clue what to say. An old country song started to play, called 'When I get where I'm going." I sat there, listening to the lyrics, remembering how a young Amber had cried her eyes out when it was played at her Grandpa's funeral. "I'm gonna walk with my Granddaddy, and he'll match me step for step. I'll tell him how I've missed him every minute since he left. Then I'll hug his neck." Those lyrics washed over me, the heavy feeling in my chest intensifying. She was with her Granddaddy now. I felt Colby squeeze my hand so I looked at him. He reached up and wiped my cheek with his thumb. I hadn't realized that I was crying. He looked at my sympathetically, and mouthed the words 'You got this.' I wasn't so sure about that, but I couldn't break down right now. Mrs. Gail was letting slow shaky breaths in and out, which I knew was a sign of her trying not to cry. I took her hand in my free one, and held it tightly. She gave it a tight squeeze, then started to sing along with the hymn. The song finished, and went straight into another one. One that I had chosen, knowing that Amber loved it. It was another old country song, that we had heard at her Grandpa's funeral, called 'Holes in the Floor of Heaven." I had never been a country music person, not since I was a little girl, but Amber had always loved it. Her roots were embedded in this town, whether she wanted to believe it or not. "That's how you know she's watching, wishing she could be here now," the song continued playing. I tried to block the lyrics out, knowing that the grief would consume me if I let it. I couldn't. I still had to get up there and speak in front of everyone. I had to be strong. Mrs. Gail's voice rang clear, but tears were pouring down her face as she sang every word. My heart was breaking not only for my loss, but for hers. I matched my voice with her, singing every lyric to the song. My own tears fell from my eyes freely, but feeling Colby's fingers laced through my fingers gave me strength. Once the song finished, I heard a few people sniffing and looked around the church again. Dry eyes were present, but what astonished me was that there were so many eyes that were crying. I knew that most of them didn't give a shit about Amber when she was alive, but that didn't matter. They were grieving with us at the loss of one of our own. I had never really felt connected to this small, sleepy town, except when I went to the plantation house, but in this moment, I was part of it. Connected to the others who were born and raised here, this sleepy little town never offering us anything bad. We had only ever experienced grief when one of our own was lost, and we did that together. I caught my Mother's eye, who was sitting a few rows back. Her once perfectly applied makeup was streaked with tears. As she looked at me, I saw her face crumble. I knew there was a picture of surprise on my face, because I couldn't remember a time that I had ever seen her cry. The music faded out, and I turned back to face the front of the church. The Preacher stood, and walked back behind the podium clearing his throat. "Amber was one of our own, a little girl born in the same hospital as most of us. Some of us knew her better than others, but she will always be one of ours."