In This Life (Sequel to 'In Another Life')

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You really do need to recuperate," he said, taking my hand as we walked out of the room. "Yeah, I guess so. I can't help it Colby. I'm worried about her. I've barely even talked to her since she showed up, and I was her best friend. I'm supposed to be there for her." In truth, I felt guilty. Guilty that I had just dropped her when I was trying to get sober. The last time I had spoken to her, was right after Justin had hauled me out of that house. She had texted me, so I waited for Justin to be asleep, then called her. "Are you okay? Do we need to come get you?" she asked me, worry coating her voice. "No," I whispered. "I'll find my way back. Don't worry. Just have to find my opening." "Wait T, maybe you shouldn't. You know how it is here. I've been wanting out myself. This isn't the life for either of us." Her answer had surprised my drug induced brain. "What? Amber, you can't be serious! If I stay here, I won't see any of you again. I can't do this. I already need another line." "What if you bring me with you? What if we do this together? We can help each other T. We can get clean and live a good life. What do you say?" I thought about what she was saying, and it did sound intriguing. I didn't really want to get clean...but I did want too? I was so confused. "Okay," I agreed. "I'll talk to Justin tomorrow and see if we can come get you. I'll come for you either way Amber. I promise." We hung up on that promise, and I had lay down next to Justin on his bed. That night, I started sweating, heaving, and going through all the withdrawal pains. Justin woke up and took care of me. When Amber texted me the next day to see what the plan was, I ignored her. When I saw her name, I only thought of going back there to get my next hit. Justin found my phone and took it from me. I never mentioned Amber to him, because I knew that she was a trigger for me, and I was now thinking that I actually did want to get clean. I hadn't spoken to her since that night. I left her and never thought twice about it. How did that make me a caring person? I wasn't a good friend at all. I regretted my decision every day. I should've went back for her, like I promised, but I was too worried about myself. "Wait," I said to Colby, stopping him with a tug of his hand. "What is it?" I sighed at his question. So much. "Can we just hang out in the living room or something? I don't really feel like being around everyone right now. Plus, I think I need to tell you something." "Okaaay," he said, furrowing his brow with confusion written all over his face. We walked to the living room and sat next to each other on the couch. "Are you okay? Hurting worse or something? Did the doctor tell you something new?" "Stop," I replied, putting my finger on his lips to shut him up. "I'm fine. Or at least, the same, I guess. It's about Amber. Well, her relationship with me. I want to tell you why I feel so attacked to making sure that she's okay." He nodded, and I set into telling him the entire sordid tale. I told him everything, not leaving out a thing, so it took a little while. By the time I was finished, I felt this weight lifted off of my shoulders, just from sharing it with someone else. Only the way he was looking at me had me scared. I was scared that he saw me differently now. That I was a different, meaner, more selfish person in his eyes. Could he love that person? He nodded, holding my gaze. "Okay. I didn't expect all of that, but okay. We all have a past. I get it. You feel guilty for leaving your friend and breaking your promise." I shook my head. "No, that's not exactly right. I am guilty. I'm guilty of completely forgetting about her and leaving her in that mess, when she wanted out, when I knew what JJ had done to her. I should've gone back for her, I should've done something!" I felt the tears try to come back and sniffed them back. Colby wrapped his arm around my waist, and pulled me against him. "You were worried about yourself T. That's understandable. I get it. It might not be your best moment, but it happened. Now you have to accept that part of yourself. Besides, I'm glad I know. I was beginning to think that you were too perfect for me. Now, that I know that you're a little selfish, I feel better about myself." I could hear the smile in his voice, so I poked him in the ribs. "Shut up," I replied, weakly laughing. He laughed and tightened his arm on my waist. "I understand why you want to help her so much. Maybe you feel like you can redeem yourself with her or something. But T, you can't do that if she doesn't want you to. Just keep that in mind, okay? I'll help you however I can. I love you." I sighed and leaned back into him. "I love you too Colby. Thank you for always understanding." "Of course," he said, kissing the top of my head. "Now let's watch some tv since we're just gonna be sitting here." I laughed and settled back, so that I could watch whatever mindless thing he set it too. I tried to watch it with him, but my mind kept going back to Amber. When my phone vibrated in my hand, I almost threw it from shock. When I saw that it was a text from Amber, I opened it as quickly as I could. "I'm fine T. I'm at the clinic. They said that I could stay here for a couple of days. Justin is here actually. He said he'd vouch for me. I don't know why he would do that. He never really liked me. Anyway, thanks for caring but you don't have to worry about me. Live your life sis." Damn it. That sounded like she was writing me off. I guess I deserved that.