In This Life (Sequel to 'In Another Life')

96

When I saw his face, the worry lines sketched over it, his own eye shadows more pronounced than usual, I almost crumbled again. Almost. I somehow managed to hold it together. "What took you so long to open the door T?" He asked, not taking his blue eyes from mine. "I was asleep," I answered defensively. His face softened as he took in my appearance. "Are you okay?" I felt a wayward sob try to climb it's way up my throat, but I swallowed it down and nodded. "I'm okay." He took a step towards me, and I automatically backed up. Shit. I didn't want him to smell the alcohol that I knew was probably seeping out of my pores. His eyes automatically narrowed. "What's wrong?" I shook my head. "Nothing. I just haven't showered, and I'm a mess. I probably stink. I'm gonna go shower." I turned away from him, unable to meet his eyes, and went to grab some clothes out of my closet. I opened the door, then slammed it shut as soon as I remembered that the evidence was in there. "You good?" Colby asked, his voice directly behind me, instead of over by the door. I jumped when I realized how close he was. "You're acting weird. You sure you're okay?" he asked. I sighed heavily. "I just lost someone yesterday. How should I be acting? It's not like I know how to deal with this shit Colby." "I know that T. I'm sorry that this happened to you. Let me be here for you." I backed up again, my back against the closet door when he stepped towards me. "You can stop doing that," he said, his eyes narrowing. "I smelled the alcohol as soon as you opened the door. We can talk about that later T. Just let me be here for you right now." I felt the tears well up in my eyes, disgust in myself, love for him, all of these different emotions welling up in me. My body grew weak, and I sank down against the closet door until I was sitting on the floor. I put my head in my hands and let the sobs come freely. I knew that I couldn't stop them. I hated crying but that's all I seemed to do lately. When I looked up, Colby was kneeling in front of me. His own eyes were so sad that it broke my heart even more. "I'm sorry," I whispered, biting my bottom lip so hard that I drew blood. "Don't be. It's okay. Everything will be okay T. I promise," he whispered back, then held his arms out to me. I moved towards him, then wrapped my arms around his waist. He pulled me close and rested his chin on top of my head. I let it all out, everything, all of the emotions, while he stroked my hair. The anger, the disgust, the sadness, the emptiness, the disappointment, the confusion, so many fucking emotions that were boiling under the surface spewed over, while I buried my face in his chest. I needed him. This was the first time that I felt like it might be okay since I had gotten the call from Amber. "Shhh baby girl, I'm here. Let it all out," he whispered against my hair. Eventually my sobs quieted, and I just stayed on the floor in his arms, trembling. "Why don't I draw you a bath? It'll help make you feel a little more normal," he said quietly. I nodded, just a small jerk of my head. I didn't have the energy for much else. He picked me up and carried me into the bathroom. "Just sit right here. I'll take care of everything," he said, sitting me down on the toilet. I didn't reply, just sat there and watched him turn the faucets on, and checking the temperature of the water until he through it was perfect. My body was so drained, I didn't protest when he started helping me undress. It was like I was a robot, on autopilot, letting him do everything for me. When he helped me step into the tub, I sighed sinking down into the hot water. My tired muscles screamed at the relief that it gave them. Without speaking, Colby used a bath cup that belonged to Kenzie to wet my hair. It was this small bucket looking thing, that had silicone on the one part. You would press that part against  your forehead so that water didn't get in your face. She hated for water to get in her face. Once my hair was soaked, he picked up my shampoo and added some to his palm. When his hands started working through my wet hair, my body sagged against the side of the tub. No one had ever done something like this for me. My heart swelled with love for this man, my eyes filling with tears yet again. Any other time, I would think about how romantic this could be, but right now, it was just him caring for and helping me. I didn't think that I deserved it, but he thought that I did. After my bath, where Colby did everything for me, he helped me out and dried me off while I just stood there. Once I was dressed, he looked at me for moment before speaking. "Do you think you might want to be around people now? Sam, Denise, and Justin are here, in the living room." I didn't have an answer to that. I didn't want to face Denise, after speaking to her that way, and I didn't want to face Justin after he worked so hard to keep me sober. I had fucked up yet again. The thought of why I even try fleeted through my mind. Then I met Colby's blue eyes, and saw the love and concern in them. He loved me. No matter how much I might think that I didn't deserve it, that didn't matter. He loved me despite my flaws. "You don't have too if you don't want too," he whispered, when I didn't answer automatically. I sucked in a breath and shook my head. "No, that's okay. I want too. I think." He nodded, and took my hand in his. "I'll be right next to you the whole time."