In This Life (Sequel to 'In Another Life')

95

I wanted to be numb. I could be. All I had to do was drink the rest of those and maybe I would forget for a little while. I checked behind me to see if Denise or Justin had followed me. When I didn't see them, I grabbed the box and headed to my room before they could see me. I closed and locked my door behind me. Then I sat on the floor with my back against my bed. I pulled one of the cans out and popped the lid. The smell of the alcohol turned my empty stomach a little but I didn't care. I needed this right now. I needed my brain to shut the fuck up. I could be sober again tomorrow. The voice inside my head started yelling at me to stop, to not drink them. "Shut the fuck up," I muttered, before turning the can up and chugging as much as I could. It's not like it was drugs. It was just a few beers. I had been able to control my drinking before, I could do it again. But not tonight. Tonight I wanted to black out, to forget everything, to be numb. The can was empty after I chugged it again, so I threw it into the corner of my room, watching the few drops that were left spill onto my carpet. "Whatever," I said to myself and pulled another can out of the box. When I popped the lid, the carbonation gave a satisfying sound. "Fucking tell me that I can't have my phone. Who the fuck does she think she is?" I muttered to myself, thinking of what Denise had said. "Fuck her." I turned up the next can and chugged that one too. One after the other, I popped the lid on each can, and chugged them, until I felt sick. Then I slowed down, but I didn't stop. "T, are you good? I'm sorry I yelled at you." I heard Denise's voice through my door. "Go away. I'm trying to sleep," I yelled back. "Okay...if that's what you want. But know that I'm here for you Terra. I always will be. I love you." I didn't answer her. Instead I turned up another can and picked up my phone to play some music. When I swiped to unlock my phone, the background made my stomach hurt. It was a pic of Colby and I from our day at the beach. I had just recently changed it last week. He was behind me, his arms around my waist. The sun was setting behind us both, the waves crashing against the shore. The smile on his face was my favorite one. The one that radiates happiness, and makes you feel better just by seeing it. What surprised me most was that the smile on my own face matched his. I was truly happy in this moment. I had set it as my background so that I never forgot that, despite what my head told me sometimes. Instead of putting on music, I called Colby. "Neece?" When I heard his voice, everything hit me again, twice as hard as before, and the sobs came again. "T? Terra? Are you okay? Baby girl, talk to me please," he said, concern lacing his voice. I tried too. I really did, but I couldn't form words. "Colby, you need to watch the road brother," I heard Sam say. Shit, I was going to be the cause of another accident. I took a few deep breaths, and steadied my voice the best that I could. "I'm okay Colby. I'll see you when you get here. I love you," I said, then hung up without waiting for a reply. I stood up slowly, trying to balance myself. The damn room wouldn't stand still. Pretty fucking rude of it to just start spinning like that. I fell into my bed, fully clothed, and closed my eyes. How the fuck was the darkness behind my lids spinning? Whatever. The sobs seemed to have passed just as quick as they started this time and I was grateful. My ribs actually hurt. The memory of Denise calling me a dumb bitch popped into my head, and I started giggling to myself. "You dumb bitch!" I exclaimed quietly. "I love you, you crazy bitch." I did love her. I knew that she would do anything for me. They all would. My friends. Colby. They would all do anything for me. I still didn't know why, and my drunk brain didn't want to think about that again, so instead it just let me pass out. I slept so hard that the pounding on my door didn't wake me at first. BAM BAM BAM "TERRA IF YOU DON'T OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW, I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M GOING TO BREAK THIS DOOR DOWN. DO YOU HEAR ME T?" I groaned and grabbed my head. "What?" I said, smacking my lips a little. My mouth tasted like ass, and it had a thick feeling to it. "OKAY, I WARNED YOU!" My brain was having a hard time comprehending what exactly was happening. "Wait, what?! NO, HOLD ON!" I yelled when Colby started counting. "Shit," I muttered, standing up. The empty White Claw box was beside my bed, and there were at least a dozen empty cans in the corner of my room. "T? I need you to open the door," he said again, his voice a little more calm now that I had answered him. "Give me a fucking second Colby, damn!" I exclaimed. I kicked the empty box under my bed, and then haphazardly tossed the empty cans in my closet and closed the door to hide them. I looked in the mirror and cringed. I looked like death warmed over. The shadows under my eyes were deep, my eyes were swollen from crying, and my hair a complete rat's nest. Guess I couldn't really do anything about it. I had wasted enough time hiding the evidence. I dragged my fingers through my hair, trying to make my appearance a little decent, but gave up after a few seconds. It was hopeless. I took a deep breath, twisted the lock on the door, then pulled it open slowly.