In This Life (Sequel to 'In Another Life')

23

" Yeah, I'll stick around, "Colby replied. Justin nodded at him, then looked at me. "Text me if you need me T. I'll see you around." "Bye J," I answered, lifting my hand to him in a wave. He smiled a little sadly and walked out my bedroom door. I stared at my door, remembering how it used to be between us, silently saying goodbye to that relationship in my head. I really hoped that we could be friends again one day, without the awkwardness. It seemed like we were getting there until Colby showed up. Justin got weird and the situation turned awkward quick. Still, I was happy that J was really trying to be okay with this. I hadn't expected him to be. I assumed that he wouldn't even talk to me for a long time, so him trying to be a friend to me was nice. "You okay?" Colby asked, drawing my attention to him. I looked at him, and smiled. "I am. I'm better than okay...but I need to talk to you." He raised his eyebrows and looked worried. "That's never a good sign." I laughed, and shook my head. "It's good. Or at least I hope you think it's good and that I'm not too late. I know that I've kept you waiting for so long, so I wouldn't blame you if you turned me away but I really hope you don't. This entire situation has just been so much, and I couldn't figure out what I felt and I was scared to change anything but I think that's something that most addicts feel and I hate to bring that part of myself to you but it is part of who I am. I just-" He sighed loudly. "T, you're rambling. Will you just say whatever it is you are trying to say? You're killing me here." I laughed a little and rolled my eyes. "Sorry. You know how I get when I'm nervous. It's a good thing I'm in this bed, or I'd probably trip and fall on my face again." He grinned. "Nah, I'd catch you. Like I always have." I bit my bottom lip and smiled, remembering the way we had met. It seemed like a decade ago, instead of just a few years. So much had happened since then. "So?" he asked, still standing next to my bed. I looked down and scrubbed my face with my hands. Why was this so hard? Why did he still make me so nervous? "Can you at least sit down or something? You're making me nervous," I replied, rubbing my sweaty hands on my blanket. He smirked and walked around to the other side of the bed. "I'm glad I still make you nervous," he replied softly, smiling at me. I rolled my eyes and smacked his arm lightly. I was better, but still really sore and weak. My stomach was in knots, and my throat felt like it was swelling closed, not allowing me to speak. "T, what is it? You know you can tell me anything baby girl," he said, laying his hand on my thigh. "It's about...us," I managed to force out. It came out in a mutter, more than anything thought. "What? I didn't catch that." I rolled my eyes and sighed. "US! It's about us. Damn it, why is this so hard?" I groaned. "Us?" he repeated, furrowing his brow. "Okay. Hold on. Let me think and get my damn thoughts straight," I said, my voice grumpy. "This is hard but I have to do it, and I need you to just shut up and let me ramble. Let me get it out in my own time, in my own words, okay?" He nodded, looking worried and confused. I was such shit at this. He still made me nervous as fuck, and my brain seemed to clog up and not work when he was this close to me. "Colby, you know that what we had before meant a lot to me. It meant the entire world to me. When we broke things off, I was devastated. It broke me. I was weak, and I couldn't take the pain that it caused me. I know that doesn't make sense because we never really spent that much time together, but that's how it was. The time we did spend together, I felt like I already kind of knew you from your videos, and once I got over my initial awkwardness, we just seemed to fit. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that my dream, my fantasy of being with you was actually happening. When it all came crashing down around me, my heart split into. I swore that I wouldn't go through that again. Then there was Justin. He was there for me, and he helped me through so much. I grew to love him. It wasn't that all consuming thunderbolt but a slow burn instead." I saw his face fall even more when I said I grew to love Justin. I had to get through this. He would understand. "And I let that console me. I let Justin's love for me, and mine for him, bandage that wound that was left. Then I ran into you here. From that moment, I have been fighting with myself, determined to prove that you didn't have this hold over me, that I did love Justin and that I would do right by him." I shook my head, stupid tears filling my eyes. I swear I didn't use to cry this much. "I couldn't fight it...my heart wouldn't let me." I looked up to meet his soft blue gaze. "What are you saying Terra?" he asked, taking my hand in his. I took a deep breath and just let it all out. "I'm saying I love you Colby. More than a friend. I always have and I probably always will. If you still want to give us a chance, a real chance, then I'm ready. Things could've ended very different with my accident, and I don't want to wait around, because I'm scared to take a chance or of what might happen." He smiled, a slow grin growing until it took over his entire face. "Oh wells, not what ifs," he murmured. "What?" I asked. He shook his head. "Are you sure?" I nodded. "Very." He leaned forwards quickly, and pressed his lips to mine hard, stealing my breath. I smiled against his lips and felt him do the same.