In This Life (Sequel to 'In Another Life')

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Another song started as I made it back to my seat. "And here on Earth, there's an emptiness, everything's different, since you leeeft." Dancing in the Sky by Dani and Lizzie. Literal holes were being ripped out of my heart with these songs, but Mrs. Gail and I had picked them out so I guess I had done it to myself. Colby stood to greet me and wrapped his arms around me. I sobbed into his chest, not caring who saw me at this point. I had emptied my soul behind that podium and stayed as strong as I could. I couldn't hold it back any longer. He sort of rocked me back and forth a little while rubbing my back. No words were needed, the lyrics to the song being enough as I sobbed my heart out. "Terra, honey," Mrs. Gail's voice got me to calm down for a moment to see what she wanted. I turned my head to look at her. Her own face was streaked with tears that wouldn't stop falling. "It's time to go say our last goodbyes. Are you ready?" I nodded, and Colby let me go. I took her hand in mine, and we walked the last few feet to say our goodbyes. I stood by her side as we stared down at Amber for one final time as she lie in her casket. My chest was physically hurting from the pain that I felt. Mrs. Gail and I were holding onto one another's hands like we were each other's tether to sanity. "Sweet girl," she said quietly, smiling through her tears, as she touched Amber's face. "You were always such a sweet young girl. I know you had your problems, but your heart was so pure. This hateful world twisted it, but every time I saw you, she was there in your eyes. My sweet granddaughter who had such a love for life. People thought that I was your rock, but honey, they were wrong. I don't know how I'm going to go on living without you, because you were my rock. I'm going to miss you so much." Her voice broke a few times while speaking, but she powered through it, saying her final goodbye. "I love you Amber. You'll always be with me in my heart." She broke down after that. I knew that I was supposed to say my goodbye as well, but it was hard to breathe, much less speak. Mrs. Gail needed me. I turned to comfort her, but she was already in someone's arms. Colby's clear blue gaze met mine, as he comforted the elderly woman that I loved so dearly. I didn't think I could love him more. I was wrong. "Go ahead," he said softly to me, while rubbing her back. I swallowed hard, and nodded. I turned back to face the casket, to face Amber. "You were my friend when I shut everyone else out of my life Amber." What else could I say? I had already said everything when I was behind the podium. "I'll never forget you," I whispered, laying my hand on top of hers. "I love you. Tell Pa we said hello." With tears streaming down my face as well, we made our way back to our seat, Colby supporting Mrs. Gail, who looked like she could go no more. I watched the other mourners take their turns to say goodbye to a girl they barely knew. Most were just staying in their seats, but some came up our of respect. JJ took a little longer than others, wiping his eyes with his shirt sleeve. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but I could tell he meant it. Levi was right behind him, as well as a few other people that we use to hang out with. This felt surreal to me, like someone else's life that I was watching on a screen, while my broken heart beat so fast, it stole my breath. This wasn't supposed to happen to someone as young as Amber, as young as me. She was supposed to go to college, earn her degree, and get her dream job. She was supposed to fall in and out of love until she found the right man, have kids, and live her full life. Only it was cut short by drugs, addiction, and depression. I hadn't even know that she had depression. I should've though. That was something that I should've known. I wondered when she was diagnosed with it. Of course, I guess it was a moot point now. It didn't matter when. She was gone and she wasn't coming back. When everyone was finished saying their final goodbyes, the Preacher read a scripture from the Bible. Revelation 21:4, "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." Tho I was crying, this scripture brought me comfort. A memory of Amber and I watching a movie at JJ's house one night sprang to mind. We were gushing over young Leo Dicaprio in Titanic, but stopped short, too engrossed in the movie to even notice how cute he was anymore. That scripture was said by the Minister on that doomed ship, as his fellow believers gathered around him and held on for comfort in what they knew to be their last moments. Chills went up my spine and I glanced around the church, feeling that someone was watching me. I saw no one but I knew. Amber was here with us. I glanced over to Mrs. Gail, who Colby had his arm around, and saw a small smile flit across her face as she felt the presence of her granddaughter. "Goodbye Amber," I whispered, closing my eyes. In my mind's eye, I saw her one final time, healthy and beautiful, wave to me, as she turned and walked into a beautiful light. I knew she hadn't lived right by God in our beliefs, but I felt like, in her last and final moments, she may have opened up to Him. Somehow I felt it, in my heart, and I knew that I would see her again one day.