In This Life (Sequel to 'In Another Life')

8

A sharp line of said pain struck my chest as I thought of Justin's sad eyes earlier. This was going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done. I didn't want to hurt him but I'd hurt him worse if I stayed with him when he knew I didn't love him completely. I couldn't talk to Colby. Not yet. I prayed with everything in me that Colby meant what he said when he promised to wait for me because I knew I was going to need some time. "Can I stay with you guys?" I asked Denise nervously. I assumed that when I told Justin, he wouldn't really want me around and I couldn't blame him. I didn't want to lose him though. I really hoped he would forgive me one day. "Aw T, of course you can. You don't even have to ask. We can get Sarah" s shit that she piled into your room and moved it into storage, "she replied, reaching over to pat my arm." I'm sorry this is added to your problems right now. I know it's going to be hard, but the girls and I will be there for you. And that one, "she said softly, nodding towards Colby. The pain in my heart eased a little bit when I thought of Colby. It was funny how just his smile made me feel so much better about things. But then Justin's sad eyes would pop back into my mind and my heart hurt all over again. I hated to hurt him, and it was going to hurt me too. So fucking badly. Thank you Neece. "She rolled her eyes at me." Seriously? Whatever ho, you know you would do the same for me. "A real smile crossed my face, and I even laughed a little. She always knew how to cheer me up, even when my world felt like it was crashing down around my feet. "Don't worry about anything. We'll have it all set up for you when you get there. I'm sorry about you and Justin. I knew you didn't love him like you love Colby, but if it isn't going to be Colby, then he's definitely your guy. I know this is going to hurt you because I know you love him so much.  I'm sorry about that. I hate to see you in pain." I wanted to cry again. I was so lucky to have Denise as my best friend. No, she was more than that. She was my sister. She was the Sam to my Colby. I laughed a little at myself when I had that thought. I hadn't thought of us like that in years. "I know Neece, but it's not so bad," I lied. The pain was bad, and I knew it was going to get worse before it got better. Both emotionally and physically. "Liar," she replied with a stoic look. "You know you really shouldn't lie. You suck at it." I rolled my eyes and smiled. "I'm not lying. It's not as bad as it could be. I'm fine." Just then, Colby woke up, stretching his legs out straight, moving his arm off of me, and rolling over onto his back. I couldn't move to look at him but Neece started laughing. "Have a nice nap Cole?" she teased in a sisterly fashion. I could tell they had gotten closer while I had been out. "Best sleep I've had in a while honestly," he replied. I couldn't see him but I felt him staring at me. "I bet it was. Come on, visiting hours are almost over. We need to head home," she answered. I felt my heart sink with the prospect of leaving them. I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts. I felt Colby roll back over, and press his lips to my cheek. "I'll be back as soon as I can tomorrow. I have to film with Sam for the duo channel. We're going upstate for an abandoned mansion. Shouldn't take too long. I nodded, feeling the tears prick my eyes. Why would I be so damn emotional? They would be back tomorrow. The bed jostled, and I felt Colby's weight leave it. fixed my bed so that I was sitting up some, then leaned over and hugged me. "I promise everything will work out. You're strong baby, you've got this," she whispered in my ear. I nodded, sniffed and tried to raise my hand to my eyes. I only made it to my chest, then let it fall back down to the bed. It was just too hard. Colby came into my view, and smiled, before placing his hands under my waist, and shifting me so that I was on my back. "Thank you," I said quietly. He leaned down, hugging me, then pressed his lips to the corner of my mouth. "You've got this and I've got you. We all do. Don't worry. I love you baby girl," he whispered. I swallowed against the lump in my throat, nodding at him with tears in my eyes as he leaned back up. I couldn't say it yet. Not yet ... but I hoped he saw it in my eyes. They said their goodbyes again when the nurse walked in and let us know that time was up. "We'll see you tomorrow. I'll be first thing," Denise said, walking to the door as she looked at me over her shoulder. "Soon as I can baby girl. Promise," Colby replied, blowing me a kiss. I smiled as they walked away, but it fell from my face as soon as my door was closed, leaving me in the empty silence. I needed some kind of sound or this was going to drive me crazy. I pushed with all my strength, and managed to get my hand on top of the remote that controlled the television. Now all I had to do was press the buttons. When the clicked on, I was proud of myself. "It's the little things in baby life," I said aloud, then laughed at myself. I remembered the Insta story that Colby had posted all those years ago, before the playlist. I was so excited because he loved the sound of the rain. 

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