Serving the Commander

First time truly fearing him

Rushing off after him bursting into the room "what was all that about?! Why did you treat her that way and why were you going to lock James up? And why did you just leave me standing there?" Just as quickly as you entered the room he had you pinned up against the wall his chest heaving heavily while pointing a finger down at you "do not ever call me Ben in front of my employees here again! Do you forget the reputation I am supposed to upload while being the commander?! How am I supposed to lead anyone if they think of me as a soft caring little boy, that is who Ben was! I am not Ben! I am commander Kylo Ren and I demand respect you don't get to come here and force the goodness out of me I've worked too hard to become who I am and you aren't going to ruin that for me. As for James that weaseling little shit I swear (y/n) If you show any more compassion towards him I'm done, he's a liar, a cheat and he's dangerous locking him up was for your protection and you question me for it? Do you trust me at all?!"

As if finally snapping out of his rage noticing your figure squished against the wall eyes looking anywhere but at him your face turned away with tears flowing heavily down your cheeks, quickly rising his hand towards your face with the intent to caress it you flinch out of reflex. A hushed gasp escapes his mask before stepping back allowing you to rush out from under his hold darting towards the other side of the room barely catching yourself on the old desk against the wall your hands shake uncontrollably as they try to steady your quacking frame deep fast breaths escape repeatedly, the familiar sound of his mask hisses as he pulls it off followed by its heavy thunk onto the desk only a few inches from your out stretched palm.

Slowly feeling his gloved fingers brush against yours testing to see if you'll pull away but he doesn't know that you physically can't, you're frozen in place with multiple flash backs of previous masters and their abuse, having never truly felt that way with Kylo until now making your mind and heart unsure of your own emotions. Pulling his hand away as if he had just touched something very hot "I'm not like them (y/n) I wasn't going to hurt you...I'm sorry I was just upset that you called me Ben and questioned my motives once again...but I'd never hurt you like they did." Forcing yourself to look over at him, he's propped up against one of the book shelves clutching his wrist with the other hand rubbing it like you truly did burn him, "how did you..." cutting you off "your thoughts...you were projecting them all around like scenes from a movie I saw everything...felt everything your mind was screaming..." only letting out a soft "oh..." pushing himself up off the bookcase removing his gloves then slowly stepping besides you his hand inching towards yours again, eyes falling watching his index and middle finger soft brush against your pinky "is this okay...." gulping but shaking your head yes mind still full of past memories wondering if he can still see them, sliding his hand up and over yours every slow centimeter it takes before covering it completely, feels like comforting silk easing over a sunburn softly he whispers "yes I can still see them...I'm not going to hurt you okay...remember I love you..." closing your eyes another nodding okay gives him the consent he was looking for, leisurely the other hand glides up your arm moving over your shoulder down the other arm placing that hand above your other allowing him to step behind you.

Grasping both hands with his rising them towards your chest his own strong arms making you hug yourself beneath his embrace, softly the slow pressure of lips skim along the back of your shoulder his hold tightens slightly while softly speaking along your neck "I'm sorry I shouldn't have reacted that way...forgive me...shhh calm your mind it's me I'm not going to hurt you..." the images of abuse start fading away dissolving from all around, the lounge room creeps into view "that's it just relax I've got you...(a gentle kiss is placed on your shoulder again) it's me...I'm here you're safe." Your whole body relaxes beneath his grasp not realizing just how tense you were, squeezing tighter turning you around with ease lifting up placing you onto the desk his hands rest on top of your thighs as he stares down at your blank expression "(y/n) look at me." Eyes darting up are met with his, warm and caring they search over your face looking to see if you're okay, placing a hand along your cheek his thumb softly rubs back and forth "tell me you're okay, tell me I haven't ran you off...if You need to be alone I can go...I just want to do whatever will make you happy."

The frightened feeling creeps back into mind but this time it's the fear of Kylo walking out, walking away, leaving you all alone your heart thumps heavily as your mind screams again 'no! Don't go please!' Without hesitation his arms fling around your frame hugging roughly pulling you against him forcing your legs to cradle around his hips he squeezes kissing the top of your head then forehead, cheeks, finally his lips meet your own passionately caressing your mouth with his, kissing as if it's all a dream and soon he'll wake up without you. sloppy words barely pushing through the open spaces as your faces turn between the make out "I'm not, I won't leave, I'll never leave."