Transformation: Becoming Ben Solo (A Reylo Fanfic)

Chapter 3 - It's Still There

Rey slowly opened her eyes to the cheer of bright daylight and took a deep breath as she woke for the day.  Running a hand over her face, she gave herself a minute to wake her sleepy mind up too.  Lying there, it all came back to her.  Last night.  He finally came to her last night – through the Force, through their bond.  A sense of relief flooded through her.  It wasn't dead.  Thank the stars.  She thought

She sighed sadly as she thought about it.  Their behavior towards one another was so different now, since that last time on Crait.  It had been months since Crait.  How many?   Maybe three? She had stopped counting at 5 weeks, when the ache in her chest began to hurt too much.  It had felt like a piece of her was missing, which confused the hell out of her.  They had literally only been in each other's presence – either in person or through the bond – no more than a handful of times.  How could she feel this way?

She wasn't sure what she had expected out of their first meeting after Crait, but they seemed to be back at the very beginning, true enemies once again.  Tears threatened for the umpteenth time since last night, and she forced the feeling away.  She took another deep breath and let her thoughts drift back to last night when he showed up...

When she felt that tingle, followed by a deafening silence, she was shocked – as was he. According to Snoke, this was not supposed to continue, since he said that the connection was his doing.  But they had had that last connection as everyone boarded the Falcon on Crait, so obviously Snoke lied about that too.  And there he was, sitting across the room, posture stiff, looking down at the floor.   Anger, resentment and most of all hurt, radiating off him in waves.

As for her, she'd initially felt utter joy that the bond wasn't dead with Snoke.  This was followed by the keen disappointment once again, that he chose to be Kylo Ren instead of Ben Solo.  He chose the dark, instead of the light.  It still hurt her deeply, that she wasn't enough to get him to turn.  His desire for power, and the Dark Side too great to overcome anything he may have felt for her through their connection.

Despite her encounter with the Knights on Onderon, she knew that he had been actively searching for her, that the First Order was relentlessly pursuing the Resistance to finally finish them off.  Their allies had quietly let them know when another planet or outpost was attacked under the assumption that they were harbouring the Resistance, or when prisoners were taken and tortured in attempt to get information on the Resistance's whereabouts.   How many more people would Kylo Ren hurt or kill while trying to find them?  Trying to find her.   Would he kill her if he found them?  Her heart hurt every time she thought of it.

When he appeared, she didn't know how long they sat like that, patently ignoring each other, but acutely aware of the other's presence.  Finally, she turned to face him, and said  "Look-"

But she got no farther.  Ben snapped his head to her and raised his arm out as if to Force choke her.  His face was a red, angry visage and there was murder in his eyes.  The scar she gave him on Starkiller stood out in sharp relief to the rest of his skin, and she realized that she had never seen him look that way before.  Had never seen him look at her that way before.  Even in the interrogation room, or in the forest on Starkiller.  At this, something inside of her snapped, realizing that what they had once shared was almost certainly now gone.

Rey's eyes narrowed to angry, tear-filled slits as she stared at him. "Do it.  After everything, you might as well."

He just sat there, arm extended, breathing heavily, with that angry, tortured look on his face.  He dropped his arm and just looked at her, now shaking.

She knew it.  Deep down, she knew, no matter how angry, how unstable, that he could never hurt her.  She didn't know how she knew it, she just did.  She felt the connection break, and he disappeared.