Transformation: Becoming Ben Solo (A Reylo Fanfic)

Chapter 6 - Musings

Kylo stood in the main conference room on the Finalizer, overlooking the marshalling bay, watching several hundred troops prepare to depart.  His lips thinned into a line.  Another day, another invasion.  Hux lives for this he thought.  Their purpose?  Total galactic domination.

He sighed, deep in thought.   Is that what he really wanted?  When they achieved that, then what?  Keep fighting annoying little skirmishes with the Resistance, or some other similar ad-hoc organization who decided to rise against the First Order?  Against the domination?  He let out a long exhale. There had to be more.

As he continued watching, an idea he'd had for awhile began to take form.  Could he do it?  he thought.   It would take time, and buy in from many others.  He wondered what Rey would think about it.

He thought back to their most recent connections and felt warmth spread throughout his body, starting in his chest.  Taking a deep breath he admitted to himself how badly he had wanted – needed - to see and connect with her again.  He'd buried that desire under a mountain of anger and resentment to keep the thoughts of her at bay.  However, that was now disappearing, and their conversations were becoming real again – like they were before....

He couldn't explain it.  After Crait, he had been so angry with her.  Because of his vision, he had expected her to join him, and when she refused to do so, he was....crushed.  Maybe his expectations had been too high, but they were so alike, in so many ways.  He'd never been good at telling people how he felt – usually he didn't want them to know – after all its why he used to wear the mask – and often wished he still had it.  But after they had fought the Praetorian guard there were such intense feelings flowing through him – all for her.  And when he had extended his hand to her, in his mind he could see everything he wanted - everything they could be together, but then he opened his mouth and uttered the wrong things, completely screwing it up.  Thinking back to some of the things his grandfather had said, maybe this really was his second chance to get it right.

Next time he saw her he vowed he would tell her about his ideas.

**

It was a week later, and Rey was just finishing up breakfast with her friends in the canteen.  Poe was beside her, his arm thrown over the back of her chair, as he regaled the small group with one of his amusing tales from their most recent mission to pick up some donated supplies from Bespin.  Rey had gotten to meet the infamous Lando Calrissian, who was even more of a charmer and flirt than Poe – and that was saying a lot.  He taught Rey to play, and cheat at, Sabacc.  By the end of the evening, she had been able to out-cheat both Lando and Poe.  As they all laughed over the story, Poe put his hand on the top of her shoulder and gave it a light squeeze.  It was at this moment Rey realized that Ben was standing behind one of the tables, staring daggers at her.  Her heart stopped for a second before she quickly excused herself and started walking back to her room.  Ben turned and followed.

The others exchanged uneasy glances as she walked away, unsure of what caused her sudden need to leave.  Finn looked over at Poe, who was still staring after Rey's departing form.  He liked Poe, but it was obvious to anyone – except Rey – that he had a thing for her.  It would be great if the two of them could get together, but somehow, he didn't think that Poe was the right guy for Rey.  But he couldn't blame a guy for trying.

Kylo followed behind Rey, trying to control his emotions. The filthy pilot had his hands on her! She was supposed to be his dammit!  The Force had given her to him!  He clenched his fists, breathing deeply, hoping to expel the knot of anger from his chest.

Rey walked back to her quarters with Ben following not far behind.   A spark of anger flitted to her through the bond before it disappeared suddenly.  She held the door open for him once they got there.  Upon entering her room, he looked around briefly, saying nothing.  Turning away she dropped her pack in the corner.  When she turned back around he was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down at the floor.  Hmmm.  Its usually never good when he can't meet her eyes. She could sense he was annoyed at something.