Transformation: Becoming Ben Solo (A Reylo Fanfic)

Chapter 10 - Giving In

A/N - Don't get too excited! Slowly my Reylos....slowly.  I hope you enjoy! :)

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After Coruscant, life went on as normal for Rey at the Resistance base.  Fixing broken equipment, upgrading older units, and marveling over new acquisitions that loyal supporters would sometimes anonymously donate.

But still, almost a month passed after the debacle on Coruscant and there was no visit from Ben. It was twenty-six days to be exact.  But who was counting?

She missed him, and was starting to feel a bit frantic that he hadn't been in contact for so long - again.  Somehow, he had misunderstood something about Poe carrying her back to the ship.  But she didn't know why.  He'd been jealous of Poe's arms around her – she knew that - but could the fact that he picked her up have sent him over the edge?  Since then, she'd felt almost nothing through the bond – his end was tightly closed.  Just before he slammed it closed, she felt an overwhelming sense of hurt from him. 

She needed to talk to him.  She'd been trying to figure out how to initiate the connection with him since a few days after Coruscant, but couldn't get it to work.  They had come so far since the force visitations had started again, and was terrified that whatever he believed happened had set them back yet again.

Sighing heavily, she blinked back tears.  Every time they connected, they seemed to grow closer. Especially after he connected with her on Coruscant, until it ended so badly.  She replayed her memories of the last visits – how he had touched her that night in her room – and she shivered with the memory.  It was a caress – no doubt about it.

Then he had tried to take care of her when she was hurt.  She recalled how it felt to be in his arms, her face snuggled into his chest.  He had been so warm, and smelled so good.  It had felt like he had completely enveloped her, and she sighed, wanting to feel his arms around her again.

And then there was that thing with their lips – both in her room and when he returned the action on Coruscant.  The thought of it made her feel warm, and she let out a frustrated breath.  She had to stop thinking about it or she'd go mad.  On one hand, it frightened her.  Her experience with men was literally zero, and she wasn't entirely comfortable with people touching her.  She didn't mind the occasional hug from a friend – so she was fine now when Finn or Poe did it, but that was something she was still getting used to from others.   Yet here she was, possibly willingly going down such a path with her enemy – a path that would likely only lead to heartache.  On the other hand, the memory of his brief touch created this need, this longing that she couldn't explain.   Was it desire?  She was afraid that it might be.  What would that mean?

The reality of the situation was like a dousing of icy water every time she thought of it.   It terrified her, and because of that she had been avoiding these thoughts as much as possible.   Regardless of everything that had happened between them, the Resistance still thought of him as their enemy, and probably always would.  The fact that her feelings toward him appeared to be shifting made her feel extremely disloyal – and guilty – to the Resistance.  She should not be developing any type of feelings for him.  That implied even more involvement.  But the Force had bonded them, and because of it he was changing – they both were, both had changed.   It was clear that he was not the same person he once was under Snoke, and she was not the same person who arrived on Ahch-to seeking Luke Skywalker.

Letting out a frustrated breath, she leaned her head in her hands.   It would all mean nothing, have been for nothing if they didn't connect again soon – if she couldn't talk to him – and find out what had hurt him.