Transformation: Becoming Ben Solo (A Reylo Fanfic)

Chapter 5 - And So it Begins - Again

Despite Rey's dilemma with Kylo/Ben, life around the Resistance base went on.  Ever since the Force Bonds started again, Rey felt somewhat happier and her spirit felt lighter.  While there had been no progress between them, she no longer felt as if she were just waiting for something to happen.  Even Finn and Poe remarked that lately she seemed to smile more, ate more regularly and was more willing to just hang out with them and laugh.  In particular, Poe Dameron seemed to go out of his way to spend time with her.  He would often appear at meal times, coaxing her into joining him at the canteen, saying he didn't want to be the 3rd wheel to Finn and Rose.  Rey took pity on him, and Poe, ever the easy-going charmer, never failed to make her laugh and feel good.

But in the back of her mind, she was now always waiting for the next time that the bond would connect.

One night, about 3 weeks after their previous connection, she was sitting on her bed reading one of the Jedi texts, trying to find any information on Force bonds.  If she could find a way to control it, maybe it wouldn't feel like she was always waiting for him...

Like usual, she felt the familiar tingle, the roaring rush of air turning to silence, and there he was, sitting across the room once again.  She took a deep breath and tried to focus on the text, but gave up after trying to read the same entry over and over again.  Softly closing the book, she set it aside, and sighed deeply.  The silence was killing her, and there was so much to say. Best to get this over with.

Her tone was soft, but wary as she began. "Ben. I know I hurt you.  And I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to do that.  Especially after everything."

His head snapped up, and he snarled at her.  "What makes you believe that I care about anything you think?"

Her temper flared, but she tamped it down.  It would do no good if she got angry, as they'd both probably just end up screaming at each other.  He was just lashing out at her, in a typical Kylo Ren tantrum.  Her voice was even, but firm when she replied.  "Because I can feel it rolling off of you – all flowing towards me."

He scrubbed a hand over his face and then slowly raised his head, looking up at her – his face completely impassive.  The mask when he wasn't wearing the mask.  But still, he remained silent.

The silence became uncomfortable, and it felt like he was waiting for her to say something, so she tried to begin.   "I....I know you probably hate me now, and I understand that.  If you want to keep ignoring me, that's fine.  But I don't think this – whatever this is, " she gestured all around her "is going to just stop."  She paused before going on, her eyes pleading. "Can we at least try not to be hostile with one another when we do this?  Its stressful, and it makes me dread the whole ordeal."   her voice was gentle. "Maybe we could start over?  Find a way to make these go a little easier?"  She took a deep breath, whispering. "I....I'd like to try to be friends again....like...before."

She saw his eyes widen briefly, and he simply sat there staring at her for a couple of minutes. Then she heard him inhale deeply followed by a slow exhale.  His impassiveness had slipped – his gaze no longer filled with anger, but still plenty of hurt and what seemed like – resignation? And something else..... Something about the moment caused her heart to start pounding in her chest as he continued to stare at her, and she couldn't look away.  When their eyes locked onto each other like this, there didn't seem to be anything else in the galaxy but the two of them.....

Her whispered request for friendship flowed through him like a soothing balm, beginning to thaw his angry heart.  She didn't want to be at odds with him, didn't want this animosity to continue.  Part of him wanted to rage at her, to demand why he should even consider it, given how she had treated him.  The other part of him wanted to fall at her feet and beg her forgiveness for being an ass.