When Universe Conspires

19 - Flashdrive

(Lisa)

I don't know if what we're doing is right but at this moment, all my thoughts are lust filled ones. I don't have time to think about righteousness, Jennie wants this. I want this.

Without a second thought, I flipped us over so now I'm the one hovering over her. I connected our lips again and kissed her hungrily. She reciprocated with the same hunger as I have. My hand started to stroke her breast and she let out a soft moan. I gave her right breast a little squeeze. We are still fully clothed and it hinders my touches. I decided to snake my hand inside her top disregarding the fact that she's not wearing a bra. My hand went straight to her right breast doing the same thing I did earlier. Her moan became a bit louder this time. She disconnected our lips and she went to suck a spot on my neck while she breathes heavily. Her hands roamed down my butt and pulled me even closer. I hiked my knee towards her center. I can feel her warmth even outside the fabric of her shorts. She moaned loudly at my little ministration. We kissed again and she started sucking on my tongue gently while still grinding and pulling me towards her.

I was about to put my hand inside her panty when something hit me as hard as a fucking bullet train. Reality. We are about to have sex. We need to go our separate ways after. We will not see each other anymore. This is not right. It will be much harder for us if this push through. I have to stop. I can't do this to her!

With that thought, I stayed frozen on the spot, feeling weakness took over my whole body. Jen felt my stiffness and stopped, confusion all over her face.

"Babe? What's wrong? Are you okay?", Jen asked, confusion turned to worry.

A single tear escaped my eye and dropped on Jen's cheek. I wiped it with my hand stroking her face softly. I looked down sadly at her and removed my body on top of her. I laid down beside her on my bed. I tried to stop myself from crying. It took a while before I could speak. I sighed and said, " I'm really sorry Jen. You know how bad I want this too. But we need to go our separate ways after. You know that. It will be much harder if this thing between us becomes deeper.. I...I can't.. I can't do that to you".

Jen stayed silent, probably still confused and maybe partly frustrated.

I started again, "I didn't tell you the whole truth about me. The situation. I don't want to give all the details because that will put you in much more danger than where you stand right now."

"Lisa, I'm not asking you to tell me everything. All I want is for you to give this a chance. Who knows..", she pleaded but I cut her short.

"Do you really know what you're asking Jen?", I asked calmly. Then I added, "Are you willing to give up everything just to give this..us.. a chance?"

She stayed silent again probably thinking.

"You are asking me to do things I don't want to do. I don't want to ask you to give up what you have right now just to be with me. Are you willing to constantly lie to the people around you? Your parents? Your friends? Colleagues? Just to conceal my identity? Are you willing to give up your career so  that there will be no threat of revealing who I am to the public? Are you willing to give up those? Give up your life just for this?" I said a bit frustrated on how hard it is for me to say those things to her, knowing that I can't and will never ask her to do any of those.

We stayed silent for a while. It seemed like we are in a situation where we can't do anything. It is beyond our control. Even if it means we have to let go of a possible great thing that can happen to both of us. We're setting our own happiness aside and let things get back to normal the way it was before we met that night.