Let Yourself Fall // sequel to My Ethan Karpathy

Chapter 102.

PAISLEYS POV:

Maybe I secretly want this. Maybe I'm ready to go back to him. Maybe I miss him. There's too many maybes that I need to work out. It's my birthday in ten days, but I don't want anything. I don't think Khloe or Anna will remember, and that's good. I shake everything off and continue to pack. I'm just finishing when I hear the doorbell. I put away the last jumper and make my way downstairs. I see its a pizza delivery guy and as if on cue, my stomach rumbles. Anna is sitting on one of the couches, so I go over and join her.

"Hey," she says, locking and putting down her phone.

"Hey." I sigh, making myself comfy.

"Are you alright?" She asks.

"Yeah, I'm good."

"That's not what I mean. You've gone through a lot lately, I'm worried for you." she tells me. I wasn't expecting this.

"I'm a lot better now than I used to be. Ethan has really sorted me out." I reply honestly.

"He sounds really good, Paisley." she says, smiling a bit.

"He is, I just need time."

"Your eyes light up when we say things like that about him." she says quietly.

"Really?" I reply, blushing a bit.

"Yeah, they do. You love him, Paisley." she almost teases. I say nothing but smile stupidly at my hands which I am fiddling around with. Khloe walks in the room with two pizza boxes and literally throws them on the floor with a soft thud.

"Let's hurry up, we want to get down for the sunset." she says kneeling down next to the boxes.

Anna and I follow her and kneel down on the other side. Khloe opens a box and the delicious smell fills my nose. We end up eating one and a half pizza's, and I'm feeling really full. I take the empty box to the bin and run up the stairs to get changed into my bathers. I grab my blue bikini off my bed and take it into the bathroom. I quickly change and look at myself in the mirror. Do you ever get those days where no matter what, you just won't be happy with yourself? When your stomach is too big, your hair is too greasy, your face is too oily, your make up is too dark, your thighs touch too much, you have too many pimples? This is me today. I place a hand on my stomach and a thought crosses my mind.

What if I'm pregnant?

I push that thought away because I know it's not true. I just ate a damn lot of pizza, I'm just bloated. It will all go away really soon. Suddenly I just feel like crying, I feel like I need to talk to someone. I want to talk to Ethan. I blink any traces of tears away and pull my hair up into a messy ponytail. I shake away all negative thoughts and throw my towel over my shoulder. I take one more look at myself and hold my chin up, turn and exit the room, heading past my room to grab my shoes. I slide them on and head down the stairs to find Anna and Khloe already down waiting by the door.

"Let's go." Khloe says, pushing the door open.

I am hit by a giant heat, and I instantly just want to get down to the water. Anna shuts the door behind us as we walk out and towards the water. We drop our stuff by a rock and take off our shoes. Anna and Khloe start running down to the water, but I take my time. I've never really been to the beach without Ethan in a long time. Everywhere I go, everything I do, I just start thinking of Ethan. I can't deny my feelings anymore, I want him back close to me. I want his hugs and kisses, I want everything we used to have. I'm ready to go back, I just don't know how to. I cheated on him, and I need to tell him that. I can't let that come out during an argument some time in the future and ruin everything. I walk slowly down to the water and am instantly refreshed by the coolness. I close my eyes and walk in further until it's up to my hips. I stand there for a few minutes, letting my fingers trail across the water.Anna comes over and scares the shit out of me.

"Boo!" She says, splashing me.

"Hey." I sigh, trying to sound happy.

"You're thinking about him aren't you?" She asks. How does she know?

"I don't know." I reply honestly.

"There's something you're overthinking." she observes. I spot Khloe out the corner of my eye, she's getting out the water. I think it's safe to talk to Anna.

"He's here." I sigh, knowing that it makes no sense.

"Ethan's here?" She asks, her eyes growing wide with surprise.

"Well not here. He's at Jai Waetford's house in Campbelltown. It's not far from here." I explain.

"Paisley.. You know Jai Waetford?" She asks. I should really talk to my cousins more.

"Yes, and Chris Lanzon. I know all of the voice kids' and I met Jai through a photo shoot." I explain, not wanting to sound up myself.

"You have to introduce me some time." she says.

"Of course." I answer her.

"Now, Paisley. We need to get you back with Ethan." she says, a mischievous look coming across her face.

"Really?" I ask. I can't help but feel excited.

"Yes."

"How?"

"I don't know, we need to find a way" she says.

"I need to tell him." I sigh.

"That you cheated? Yeah, I think so too." she agrees.

"How do I do that?"

"I think once you've been reunited, you need to sit him down and talk to him." she replies, rather calmly.

"I can't just turn up."

"I don't know, you'll know when." she tells me, smiling a reassuring smile at me.

I don't know when that moment will be, but I hope it comes soon.

A/N:

Happy forever alone day everyone, sorry if it's a bad chapter.

Peace, love and Ethan Karpathy.