Let Yourself Fall // sequel to My Ethan Karpathy

Chapter 51.

A/N: yeah, so I know I have all of my dates wrong here. I know Ethan was supposed to be going on tour like two weeks ago (one day before graces birthday must I add) but I totally stuffed that up. Please just ignore that and just roll with it.. Also, There's purposely no POV on this chapter, and I'm sorry it's short.

*one week later*

I never thought something like this would ever happen to me. I know I have to be happy, because i can't change anything. In a way, I don't want to change anything, but I don't know how he's going to react to it. I guess I'm happy, but I don't know if he will stay. We always said we wanted this, but not until we were ready. Are we ready? I guess we have to be. If he's not, he will leave, and there's nothing I can do about it.

I miss being a kid. I miss birthday parties in class with cupcakes and spelling tests with the extra credit word being 'happiness'. I miss being able to run around playing hide and seek all day without getting tired, then putting my head down on the pillow at night and knocking right out with no worries or cares. I miss eating however much I wanted without a worry or doubt, and curling up on the couch with a good book and not having to get up until it was done. I miss running home to watch Disney channel and waking up on Sunday morning for the cartoons. I miss not being stressed, when everything was pure and simple. But what I miss most of all, was that time never seemed to run out. Now it seems like I'm counting down the seconds before my life changes forever.

I knew from about two hours after it ended, that something wasn't right. They teach you how to avoid it, but they never seem to teach you what to do if it does happen. It's just not fair, I haven't done anything to deserve this. He's going to leave me, or he's not going to have a good life now. It's crazy how all of the things that I had planned in my mind only days ago, don't even matter anymore. I can't continue with the career I want to now, I'm not going to stay looking young and beautiful.

I know there's absolutely nothing I can do to change this, nothing at all. Now I just have to live with it, and enjoy every second before I can't anymore.

I can't tell him yet, I can't let him leave me this quickly. Maybe I won't tell anyone, or maybe I will tell one person and they can leave with me. I can tell them anything, and I know they will understand and help me get through this.

Who knows, maybe he will stay. If he does, one things for sure.

I just ruined his life.