Let Yourself Fall // sequel to My Ethan Karpathy

Chapter 58.

PAISLEYS POV:

I run away from Jai and follow Ethan to his room. I shut the door behind me and turn to face him. He's trying to look busy by folding clothes and putting them away.

"How can you always have fun and cute moments with him, but not with me?" Ethan asks. That was deeper than I expected.

"Ethan, we have so many of those." I whisper, walking up to him and playing with my fingers.

"It.. It just seems like you love him and when you're with me, that look in your eyes goes away." he replies sadly, sitting down on the bed.

"Ethan- I don't love him. He's just a good break from everything that's happening. I promise nothing's going on. I love you, and only you" I tell him, going and sitting next to him. I grab his hand and hold it in mine.

"It's just, Paisley, I love you so much, and I know there's lots of stuff going on. I just don't know how you have such a great time without me, because when I'm without you, I can't have a good time. I need you with me to really enjoy what I'm doing, and I'm going to hate being on tour without you." he explains, looking at the ground still.

"I'm going to miss you so much, Ethan. But I will be having fun on my own, and so will you. You're going to be doing what you love, and that's going to be enough to make and keep you happy." I reply, looking at him. He doesn't look up at me though.

"Ethan, where is your tour going?" I ask. I remember that I agreed to go back to drysdale with Jai in two weeks. That was from the fourth to the eighteenth of April.

"It's going to Perth, to Sydney, to Geelong where we will be performing in Drysdale. Jye is coming, then we're going somewhere just out of Sydney and we finish in Adelaide where Brai will stay and I'll come home" he explains. So he's going to Drysdale.

"Do you know what date your'e going to Drysdale?" I ask.

"Like the sixth to the ninth or something." he shrugs.

"Um, Jai asked me a while ago to go to Drysdale with him from the fourth to the eighteenth" I tell him. I just realised I never told him.

"Of course." Ethan snaps almost angrily, rolling his eyes a bit.

"No, Ethan. It's to see mum." I explain, almost whispering at the end. He says nothing, taking his hand out of mine. He holds his head in his hand and the silence becomes deafening.

"Ethan, I think I'm aborting the baby." I state after a while, suddenly growing some courage to do so.

"What?" He asks, snapping his head up to look at me.

"I'm aborting the baby. I found out that the price isn't that high for-" I try to explain but he cuts me off.

"No! You can not make that decision without even talking to me about it! I've known for like two hours, and I haven't even processed it yet!" He yells.

"Ethan! You're not the one with this stupid fucking baby!" I defend myself, although he has a point. I'm not cracking for him.

"No! But that's still my baby!" He yells, standing up and gesturing to my stomach with his hand.

"Ethan! I can't have this baby!" I reply, standing up to meet his gaze.

"I'm not that fucking stupid! Neither of us can!" he screams, matching my tone

"Then why are you yelling at me!?"

"I can't handle you right now!" he yells, making his way towards the door, but what I say next stops him in his tracks.

"What? You can't handle that I can stand up for myself now!?"

"Go to bed, Paisley!. I can't handle your bullshit right now!" He tells me, holding his arms up in surrender then slapping them down on his thighs. By now the tears are streaming down my face, but he doesn't try to comfort me.

"Ethan, why are you yelling at me?" I ask quietly again.

"I'll see you tomorrow." he snaps angrily before walking out the door and slamming it behind him.

I look at the clock and see that it is 7:30. I look down at Ethan's bed and try not to cry any more. If I get this abortion, everything can go back to normal, why can't he see that? I stand up shakily and walk across the hall to my room. I take a glance into the music room and see that Jai isn't there. He must've left on his own. I climb into my bed and hold my teddy bear close. I don't even bother getting dressed into my pyjamas. I just lay there and try not to let my thoughts interrupt my peace as I cry myself to sleep.