Let Yourself Fall // sequel to My Ethan Karpathy

Chapter 19.

PAISLEYS POV:

Why? Why can't he just let me leave this stupid excuse for a life? Then I remember everything that's happened over the past few years. How could I be so stupid? We've gotten through so much together, we did it. Together. He was right. He needs me, and I need him. I remember what Chris told me back during The Voice Kids. That Ethan and I are meant to be. That we need each other to survive. What have I done? I tried to end it all, but Jai saved me. All I wanted is for Ethan to go on by himself, do his career and be happy. But now I know that if I went through with it, he would've ended it too. I am still laying on Ethan's lap. Ethan's stroking my hair softly and every time he brushes his fingertips over my forehead, I feel this little tingle. I roll over so I'm facing up and look up at him.

"Hey, beautiful, did you have a nice little nap?" Ethan says quietly, smiling softly.

"I wasn't sleeping." I whisper back, trying my best for a little smile too.

"Oh,"

"I'm sorry." I say for what seems like the 50th time.

"Please stop saying sorry." He replies for what seems like the 50th time.

"Can I have a hug?" I ask.

"Of course."

I sit myself up and slide backwards so I'm actually sitting in his lap. He pulls me in so close that our stomachs are pressed together. He wraps his legs around me so I do the same. I just get totally lost in his scent and can't get enough. How could I leave this?

"Ethan, don't argue with me. But I am sorry, i should've told you, I should've let you help me. I'm going to try to forget what just happened, I don't want to remember. I want you to forget, too, I want you to know that I'm never going to try again, as long as you're with me, I'll be okay. I need you to go do your career, though. I will be okay here, I can't let you not do this. It's your dream, you have to follow it. I will follow you wherever your dreams take you. I will never do this again, I can't leave you. I need you." I whisper in Ethan's ear. I have tears in my eyes but I will not let them fall.

Ethan doesn't say anything for a while, I can feel him trying to ignore the urge to say it's not my fault and that I shouldn't be sorry. He just squeezes me even tighter and sniffs which tells me he's crying.

"I love you." he whispers eventually.

"I love you too."

"And i need you too, more than you know." Ethan says.

"I do know. I really do."

"And everything's going to be okay. I promise." He reassures me.

"I know."

We sit there together for a while, just taking in everything when we hear heels clomping up the stairs. Holly.

"Holly," Ethan says when she gets to the door.

"Paisley," Holly says, ignoring Ethan.

I can hear her trying her best to run over to me. I'm kind of really comfortable sitting on Ethan right now, so I only turn my head to look at her.

"I'm okay, Holly." I tell her.

"No your not! I'm getting you a councillor!" She says.

"What? No! I'm fine, I'm really fine!" I tell her. I actually hate councillors, they act like they need to know everything, then ask stupid questions. I don't want to tell anyone the reasons why, Chelsea and Rhianna would kill me.

"No." Holly says firmly.

"No, please." I beg, starting to cry again.

"Holly, please. Can we talk about this another time?" Ethan asks, backing me up.