Let Yourself Fall // sequel to My Ethan Karpathy

Chapter 30.

ETHANS POV:

I don't know why I didn't stop, I just.. Didn't. I run down the stairs, down the hallway, past the kitchen, past the living room, past the dining room, out the front door. I keep running down the street, I don't stop until I got to that little creek where Paisley was going to jump. I am further downstream, though, the creek runs smoothly and peacefully here. I sit down, take off my shoes and just dangle my toes in the water, enjoying the cool, rushing feeling on my feet. I can't believe I told only minutes after I promised I wouldn't. This could very possibly be the biggest thing that's ever happened to Jye, and I broke my promise about it. I bring one leg up to my chest and lean my elbow on it, hold my head in my hand and pull my hair back off my forehead as I cry. I don't know why I'm crying so much, I just need to. I cry and cry until I am struggling for breath, I lay back onto the grass and let both of my legs dangle into the water again. I don't know how long I was laying there. Maybe even an hour, I don't know.

"I'm sorry." I hear a small voice say from behind me. How did she find me?

"How did you find me?" I ask, rolling over so I'm facing the grass. So she can't see my face, or my eyes. They would show how much I am crying.

"I just knew."

I say nothing so she comes and lays down next to me.

"I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened. I'm just so sorry." she apologies quietly. I can feel her eyes burning into the side of my head, but I don't look at her.

"I know." I reply to the grass. I want to say 'it's okay'. But that would be a lie. It's not okay.

"I promise I'm not going to tell, even Christina. I feel terrible and if Jye ever finds out, I promise I will tell him it wasn't your fault." she states.

"Thank you." I say.

"Ethan, I know you're crying, I know you're sad. I know you. You don't need to hide it from me." she says softly, running her fingers through my hair.

I don't move for a few moments, but then slowly turn my head to face her. She wipes my cheeks with her thumb but keeps her hand on my cheek, caressing it softly.

"Come here." she whispers.

I stay exactly where I am and just stare at the blades of grass. She sighs softly and moves closer to me, blocking my view of the grass so I have no choice but to look at her.

"Please don't be angry at me. I'm so sorry, If I was you, I would've snapped much earlier. I can't say sorry enough." she says. She's studying my face the way she used to study her science projects before she handed them up. She used to have this little nose twitch when she did it. It was adorable, and she's doing it now.

"Maybe sorry can't fix it this time." I reply, avoiding her eyes.

"Ethan," she sighs. "He doesn't even have to know I know."

"It doesn't work like that, Paisley! Jye has to come out to people when he's ready. He told me, Paisley. He told me because he trusts me, yet I just told you."

"And that's my fault, I know. I think he should tell Christina, Ethan. He really should, she's a mess." Paisley says.

"Well think how he's feeling. He just came out, Paisley. He just came out to someone he thought he could trust."

"Ethan, we've both made some mistakes in the past hour, but we can't change that. Jye's gay, and you need to support him. As of now, I can't do anything about it until he tells me. All I can do is be there for Christina, and for you. I can't do that if you don't let me," She tells me, and I realise there's no point in me being angry with her about this. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." I sigh, reaching out my arm and placing it around her. She closed-lip smiles halfheartedly and snuggles up closer to my chest. She lays there for a few minutes then unexpectedly tilts her head back to softly peck my lips. All I can do is just stare into her eyes. I'm trying to see past her 'emotion-blanket' as I like to call it. I can see she really is sorry and that she is getting better. I guess Jye will never have to know, right? I trust Paisley with my life, she's not going to tell anyone.

"Let's go home." she whispers. I just nod and she gets up. She extends a hand for me so I take it. She doesn't let go until we get home.